Those Old Days Emotions

Many a times, you do something or experience something in past and time let you forget that with its every passing bits. And then while traveling through your memories lane, all of a sudden you come across something which in past had amused you, when it was happening somewhere near to you. When this happens, you just export yourself to the past to re-live that moment, to see your expression at that point of time when that special thing had happened to you.

Same kind of feeling I am experiencing today. This was the incident when I was studying management. There was that beautiful and innocent lady in my class, whose presence just revitalizes everyone. When she is near to someone, no one was using his/her brain but just was enjoying her presence. Although she was not fool or dopy. But the way she speaks to people or her logic over anything simply was bringing smile over everyone’s face. Not even a single boy tries philandering her. She was only a soothing presence for everyone, be it a boy or a girl. Everyone was so diligent while talking to her. This obviously had attracted me towards her. It had nothing to take with flirting with her or kind of. But I wanted her presence in every bit of my life. She was so decent that I could not be able to express my feeling to her except to show extra care. I think, even she would have felt the glow in my eyes, which unwittingly bobs up when she would be around. She always was telling me that my eyes are so expressive and could not conceal the emotions coming to my heart. Although I could not be able to read in between the lines what she says. Perhaps because it is not my habit to understand what is not said. I always believe in straight communication rather than something to speak to let people guess what is the meaning of the said idiomatic expression. She always used to ask, why I am caring her so much. But as a habit of mine, I always had been so introvert in expressing my feelings very clearly to her. This was not because of the reason that I fell sort in verbalizing but because I always have feared of loosing her from my life if I express my feelings to her.

So the time passed, and she was still the game for me. Then a day came when we were about to graduate from the college. All the people of college were enjoying to the extreme in last few days of our college. Perhaps college or school days are always some of the precious period of everyone’s life which people always use to keep at the bottom of their heart to avoid any chance of its being stolen by someone. We knew that after this, we would not get any chance to enjoy like a student of University but would have to proceed to the professional life where we even don’t know what our fate has written over the paper of time.

One evening, after some fun in canteen, we were going back to our rooms, that pretty lady came to me and offered to have a cup of coffee with me. I was surprised, in fact surreal. Why she want to have coffee again if we already had one in-group! But without going through a lot of conjectures, I started walking the street with her to the nearby restaurant. There, we had a long hush. This silence was killing me. I became very apprehensive and ultimately tried to break the ice to start the talk. I was very anxious to see the kind of expressions coming over her face. I don’t know, what she wanted me to listen to her silence. Now if I remember that moment, I could understand the meaning of her silence, but wouldn’t be able to understand at that point of time. Ultimately with a very impenetrable voice, she started, “Saheb (This name had given by her to me), I perhaps know your feelings, your emotions towards me. I know, you like me and all my forms. The kind of care and affection you had given me in last two years is very rare. I think, the way you took care of me is something which I didn’t have got even from my family members, my parents. I do have same kind of emotions for you, what you have for me. I do want your presence in every moment of my life. Isn’t it possible that we should live together till eternity?”

I was speechless. I don’t know what to react. I did not know that she is that much sensible. I do have liked her. But was unaware that she could be able to express herself this much strongly and clearly. God, I was not having that much dares to express myself such strongly. And see, what she is saying.

Now it was my turn to express. I said, yes I would like your presence in every thick and thins of my life. But would you be able to walk with me till the end of our life!

Again a big silence. But this time she was really verbalizing with her expressions. I could clearly be able to read her eyes and perhaps her heart.

She said, “I know this is too late to give such commitments to you. But I would like you to be always around me whether I am with you or not”. With this she closed her talk and had given me a notebook with a paper inserted in it. She said, “This notebook is having a lot of thing written over its every page. I have written all my emotions for you on this notebook. If you can read, read it”. I didn’t have opened that book immediately. I don’t know for how long we were sitting there in restaurant. We didn’t have spoke even a single word after that but was listening and understanding each other. We left the place only when the waiter said, its time to close the shop.

I walked with her to her hostel, with a hush. Came back to my room. Opened the notebook. The notebook was completely blank except a page inserted separately into it which was having something written. This was written in English. It was a very crude English. I could not be able to understand what she had written over that piece of paper, but could be able to understand the circumstances when she would have written this. Probably she was trying to write a lot of thing and in this course of hurry, she wrote something understanding which is very difficult. The notebook was complete blank. This blank notebook was something where she really would have written her feelings but I was unable to read that time.

Now that suddenly this notebook came to my hand while arranging my stuff, I could be able to read all her emotions, and have read each and every page of that blank notebook. Yes I know it is still a blank notebook, but the time have overwritten a lot of things over every page of this notebook. Yes I can read what is written and overwritten over its every page, but it is too late now…

Differences in Diversity

This is marriage season. Everywhere you will see some barat going on with all the band and dances. This is creating a kind of traffic cram in the city roads. While you are in one such jam, you have got two options only, either you frustrate with this jam and clapperclaw people for no civic sense or you will enjoy the barat procession. In either case you could not be able to change any thing except your that passing moment. Just by enjoying that, you can make that moment dulcet. And that is what I am doing, generally.

Yesterday evening while going back home, I got stuck in one such traffic. There one marriage party was going on with all the dance and crackers on the road. This had created a massive traffic jam. On the top of it, everyone was trying hard to come out of this traffic jam and hence had literally exacerbated the situation. It had created a great mayhem on the road. Even if I was the part of this heavy traffic, I was out of it and was enjoying this marriage procession. I was just observing people in this crowd, their enjoyment and their unusual dances. Very Indian dance with all those snake dance movement, tapori dances, wrestling dances and “Only God Knows” kind of dances. This marriage procession was of some Muslim family. Everything in that marriage was same like any other marriage of any community except one thing. And that one thing was the songs which band party was playing. All the songs were taken from only those films where either Arabic music was there or had portrayed some Muslim family. No one was asking band to play some recent popular hit numbers. This was something which aroused my interest the most.

We say that we the Indian are same and only our names are different. We say that we all share the same tradition called India. But we conveniently differentiate ourselves with others by strictly adhering to what we call is our own. A professional dancer can dance on any track irrespective of the fact that which religion he or she follows or which tradition that songs belongs to. But dances done in marriages indicates the common people of the country and their faith and beliefe. That is very much distinguishing from each other. And that distinguishing thing creates differences among us. Our faiths are so much strong in these traditions that we cannot think of deviating from it and stay intransigent about it. We refuse enjoying even on the songs which we feel is not ours and belongs to some other religion. This I feel somewhere leads to all the communal vexing. This somewhere tells us that though we are sharing the same space called India but we are totally different than others. And this is one “Diversity in Unity” and “Differences in Unity” and “Differentiation in Diversity”.

Old Days Are Still There

While going through one village, I saw some colorful decorative papers tied making a circular well keeping a single bamboo in the center of the circle. Wait, I need not have to ask about this to anybody as for what purpose this decoration has been done. I have seen such kind of thing during my puerility days. It was a venue for the cycling competition. In this, someone owes a challenge of cycling unceasingly for 2 or 3 days. Here that person cycle for entire day and night until he meets the challenge. He takes food, drink water, do everything while cycling. This is one of the games which I had seen many times in my childhood days. Atleast once or twice every year. The reason why I like this very much is because of the fact that after rigorous and painful 2 or 3 days, a winner comes out of it. The man gets much accolade and acclamation and of course money from the locality.

After a much longer time I am seeing any such thing, perhaps after 15 - 20 years. I almost have forgotten this game.

Why only continuous cycling, there are lot of games such as ludo, kabbadi, gilli – danda, snake and ladder, Chinese checker etc which are now trivial these days, at least I think so.

But it is not always that I am right. And this time I am definitely not. Perhaps I am so busy and pre occupied with my own life that I almost have forgotten seeing kids playing different old days games. Perhaps nothing has changed; perhaps only I am not the same that I was 15 – 20 years back. Even today people are playing ludo, otherwise why a big biscuit company will give ludo free with every pack. Otherwise why this cycling competition was held there.

I think I need to be more observant about things.

Its All Same: Only Name is Different

It was such a boring evening. I was doing just routine work since long. It was a kind of creative static inertia phase which I was passing through. Just routing work and nothing. I never had been like that. I always keep doing something new, something creative. Experiment is like essence of life for me. In that spur of moment, I was having tea outside my stockist office at a cart tea stall. A massive thought process was going on with a thought “What Next”! And then this group of Bahurupiya I saw at the shop opposite to the tea stall. They had taken a form of Lord Ram and their associates. That was a group of 5 people with all the indigenous musical instruments. They were narrating some sayings of Shri Ramcharitmanas in the form of song. What they do is they take any mythological lords form and go to shop to shop and establishment to establishment to narrate some of the sayings of the relevant holy book and ask for money to the people which people happily donate. The same thing they were doing there at that shop. They took money and came out of the shop. While they were coming out, another group of beggar came. They were a Muslim group of people who were asking money in the name of Allah. They were four people carrying a long deep green cloth holding at its four ends. That piece of cloth was having white bordering with lace and the name Allah was embroidered at the centre. This group of people stood outside that same shop and sang some sufi song of love with Allah. The shopkeeper came outside and threw some penny in the cloth they were carrying. What amused me the most in these two series of incidents was that while donating money we hardly care if the person is asking money in the name of Ram or Allah or Guru Nanak or Jesus. We just give away the money and feel good after doing it, if really. But when it comes to someone who aggravates us in the name of dharma, we just get up and hold sword or gun to kill each other. At that point of time do we remember that we are surviving not only because of the well wishes of our own religion mates but also because of the good wishes of other religion for which we have donated, intentionally or unintentionally.

We must have to thank these baggers or bahurupiya who comes to us to teach that its only the name which is different otherwise every dharma gives us a momentary pleasure when we donate, irrespective of the names. We must have to thank them for creating a kind of satisfaction in us as there are lot of people up above the sky who is blessing us and keeping us moving.

Simple Solution for Every Problem

We often come across lot of problems on a daily basis. We do solve some, we let some unsolved, we leave some as if it is not belonging to us or we let the problem stay as it is and wait for suitable time to solve it as in the present context this problem is not big enough to affect our life. But the matter of fact is, every problem always comes with a solution. And, we always have atleast an answer to any problem if not solution.

But what if in the effort of solving some case, we either make it unnecessarily perplexed or create another problem in response of solving it.

I always have believed that for every problem, irrespective of the fact that how much complicated that problem is, there is always a simple solution. And no problem in the world is that much complicated that it either does not have any solution or have complicated solution. The only trick is, we should have to keep our senses open to sense all the aspect of the problem / case. Leaving even a single dimension of the problem unswayed would create a situation where we either would end up with the problem unsolved or suggest unnecessarily even complicated answer to it.

Why this lengthy thought is coming to my mind?

Today I came across a very unique way of handling any problematic situation. Someone had suggested me that many a times it’s always good to let the problem unsolved. This is the best way to solve the problem. Humm…

But why do we always do that. I do agree that sometimes it is good to let the problem unsolved. But this can be done not with the problem but with the situation. If we repeatedly start doing it, this will lead to circumstances where people associated with that problem start developing a negative thought about us. In fact, people will start misconceiving even in the situation where we are right in all the set principles of the fact.

Anyways good to know a new way of solving problem.

EPILOGUE

And then while reading "Married But Available" by Abhijit Bhaduri, I read these lines (Page 15) : "Problems cannot be solved. They can be absolved, resolved or dissolved."

In Search of Story

Since some time, I have started observing things more deeply. This was a way to prognosticate things in a way to pen it down. Actually, I started looking anything happening around as a topic to write. When I see a woman carrying heavy loads over her head, I see it as her quest to earn some penny to fulfill the desire of her husband’s habit of drinking liquor. If some lady is coming out of her luxurious car with some scar over her face, I try finding story behind the scar. If a man is seen going on his bicycle with a Tiffin box in the carrier of the cycle, I start thinking of some story associated with him. If a kid is being seen at a dhaba, I try sensing some narration behind him. In fact, I started seeing every individual as a story. 

If I recall my old days, I had never been so much observant about things, though I was having a habit of writing even in those days.

And in this course of identifying a topic to write, I don’t know when I myself have become a topic for others.

Be A Creator - Opportunity Will Keep Coming !!!

What it takes to see someone snatching the opportunity you actually have garnered with your own hardest of the hard work? What it takes to see some idea getting passed away to someone else which primitively belongs to you? And what it takes to see that acedia sometimes costs a lot?

Well, there are questions which sometimes question you and your existence. What I firmly believe in is that doing good work is more of a habit kind of thing. I may sometime be not loyal to the organization I am working for. I may sometime be dishonest to the work I am doing. But how can I be unscrupulous with my own self, my inner soul!

We may loose an opportunity once due to various impalpable reasons but it doesn’t mean that this would be the last opportunity of life. Opportunity comes to someone if he is honest to his work and if there is a kind of dynamics in the thought process of someone. Opportunity never comes to a person who is static neither it comes to parasites.

So as long as I am creator and not a parasite, I will keep doing good work. Opportunities will keep coming. And this time I am not solacing myself.

The Dog Psychology

Yesterday, I had got a very weird thought. Its, what if I would have been an illiterate and if someone would have given me a book of some Noble Prize winner Author? How would I have reacted then? What would have been the meaning of that book to me? What would have I been done with that book?

This thought wrestling was going on while I was standing at one of the road in the evening. While this thought wrestling was going on in my mind, I was still concentrating upon the happenings of the road. Suddenly a very beautiful imported car passed through me. And that car was being followed by a dog barking maniacally. Perhaps any Noble prize winner author’s book would be holding same meaning to me would I have been illiterate like that of the imported car holds meaning to that barking dog.

But then another thought popped up in my mind. It was how a dog would be reacting when it sees a new model car on the road. Does the new model car hold any importance to them and they changes their barking style or it’s just another car over which they would have to bark fanatically.

I think the Dog psychology holds true in many of our actions which we think is very humanly.

Agree to Disagree

Sometimes there are incidents which apparently seem to be bringing no any significant outcome. But a little close understanding of the incidents brings out something which is unique and treasuring. I was mollycoddled with one of the person whose enthusiasm is quite contagious and thought is so spontaneous and deep. What is most salient is his way of handling things. He always sees things as a case study and any case study cannot have one standard solution and every solution is correct. So there is never any incident of disagreement with any one. The same was the case when I was talking to him. While talking, he never has crossed my thought but only has said his point of view. When one is speaking from his heart, it’s always better to not disrespect his thought even if there is some disagreement. No one can be such a lowbrow to speak such trumpery. And he was doing the same thing with me. I really liked that. After quite a long talk with him on various matters, the net take home for me was :-

1. See situation as case study, you will end up with the best solution after a little brainstorming.

2. It’s not always a good idea to disagree. Learn to agree to the agreement or agree to the disagreement.

Religious Confusion

This is the first time when I have been in any foreign country. This was Thailand. A beautiful island country, blessed a lot by the kind nature. This beautiful country is situated in western half of Indochinese peninsula and the northern two thirds of the Malaya peninsula in Southeast Asia. Formerly called Siam, this country is surrounded by Burma (Myanmar) on the north and west, Laos in the north and northeast, Cambodia in the east and Malaysia on the south. Thailand is still practicing constitutional monarchy. This country is highly influenced by the new religion of India as more than 95% of the population here are Buddhist (Buddhism has been started from India, so a liberty can be taken to call it "The Religion of Indian Origin"). Though this country is worlds’ second largest tungsten producer and third largest tin producer, but the main source of income here is tourism.

We were having our National Sales Conference there. We were there for 4 days and we literally had utilized those 4 days in a real good sense. We were in Phuket, a port city of the Thailand.

There were lot more things to notice, but the most striking feature that has attracted me was the improvisation of the religion here. For any place to be a tourist spot, especially cross country tourism, it needs to be open about sex. Thailand is not any exception in that. Cyprians here is one of the major attractions for tourists. Sex sells here and its legal. Make no mistakes, even the girls in the flash trading are also Buddhist, rather modern improvised Neo-Buddhist.

I happen to be sitting in one of the road side bar of Phuket’s most happening street “The Bengala Street” enjoying my drinks and observing people around, a beautiful girl came near to me and asked if I can buy a drink for her.

Oh why not.

And I didn’t have taken much time to order a drink for her. She was one of the bar girl, employed there to entertain the customers. She accompanied me and started talking to me. After knowing my intention of not flirting with her and just enjoying drinks and observing the happenings around the street, she diverted her talk from initial flirting with me to knowing me and my country. This again was a gesture of showing extreme professionalism since I buy drink for her, she need to accompany me till my drink finishes off.

I asked what she is doing apart from this bar job; she said that she is studying political science in one of the college of Phuket. She is doing this job as she can make easy money here for maintaining her lifestyle. When she came to know that I am an Indian, the very first reaction she had was, “OK so you are from the place of Lord Buddha”.

Yes, but what religion you are practicing?

To this she replied that she is ardent Buddhist and she wish to spend her later life in understanding the dharma.

Considering the fact that Buddhist are very much ascetical about their Dharma, I quoted one of the teaching of Lord Buddha, that is know as “The Four Great Vows”, which has been written in “The Dhammapada”:

“However innumerable beings are, I vow to save them;

However inexhaustible the passions are, I vow to extinguish them;

However immeasurable the Dharmas are, I vow to master them;

However incomparable the Buddha-truth is, I vow to attain it”.

And asked, if what she is doing is right as per Buddhism?

She replied that everything which is required to bring livelihood of any individual is supported by Buddha. And anything which brings pleasure to the life of others is not insane.

Wow, this is another definition of Buddhism. And this definition was definitely been developed by that lady immediately.

The most important understanding here was, every religion give enough space to their follower to mold it as per their own convenience. But the only thing which cannot be molded is faith, faith over the Dharma, faith over the philosophy and faith of the teachings of the religion. Though this was an individual opinion, but opinion develops from the community and surroundings. So this may be the understanding of her community. So there would be lot of people who would be having same thought about religion.

Sometimes we make pre-mature opinion about anyone without trying to understand them. We often have a habit of considering ourselves smart enough that we think that just by seeing the cover of the book; we could reckon the content of it. The same was my thought process before talking to that bar girl. I thought that she is meant to be flirted and such kind of girls are completely dumb-ass and know only the language of flesh-trading. After talking to her, her name was Amy, she proved my thought very immature. She really was smart and intelligent enough to prove anybody wrong who are coming there with a pre-occupied opinion, like me.