Many a times, you do something or experience something in past and time let you forget that with its every passing bits. And then while traveling through your memories lane, all of a sudden you come across something which in past had amused you, when it was happening somewhere near to you. When this happens, you just export yourself to the past to re-live that moment, to see your expression at that point of time when that special thing had happened to you.
Same kind of feeling I am experiencing today. This was the incident when I was studying management. There was that beautiful and innocent lady in my class, whose presence just revitalizes everyone. When she is near to someone, no one was using his/her brain but just was enjoying her presence. Although she was not fool or dopy. But the way she speaks to people or her logic over anything simply was bringing smile over everyone’s face. Not even a single boy tries philandering her. She was only a soothing presence for everyone, be it a boy or a girl. Everyone was so diligent while talking to her. This obviously had attracted me towards her. It had nothing to take with flirting with her or kind of. But I wanted her presence in every bit of my life. She was so decent that I could not be able to express my feeling to her except to show extra care. I think, even she would have felt the glow in my eyes, which unwittingly bobs up when she would be around. She always was telling me that my eyes are so expressive and could not conceal the emotions coming to my heart. Although I could not be able to read in between the lines what she says. Perhaps because it is not my habit to understand what is not said. I always believe in straight communication rather than something to speak to let people guess what is the meaning of the said idiomatic expression. She always used to ask, why I am caring her so much. But as a habit of mine, I always had been so introvert in expressing my feelings very clearly to her. This was not because of the reason that I fell sort in verbalizing but because I always have feared of loosing her from my life if I express my feelings to her.
So the time passed, and she was still the game for me. Then a day came when we were about to graduate from the college. All the people of college were enjoying to the extreme in last few days of our college. Perhaps college or school days are always some of the precious period of everyone’s life which people always use to keep at the bottom of their heart to avoid any chance of its being stolen by someone. We knew that after this, we would not get any chance to enjoy like a student of University but would have to proceed to the professional life where we even don’t know what our fate has written over the paper of time.
One evening, after some fun in canteen, we were going back to our rooms, that pretty lady came to me and offered to have a cup of coffee with me. I was surprised, in fact surreal. Why she want to have coffee again if we already had one in-group! But without going through a lot of conjectures, I started walking the street with her to the nearby restaurant. There, we had a long hush. This silence was killing me. I became very apprehensive and ultimately tried to break the ice to start the talk. I was very anxious to see the kind of expressions coming over her face. I don’t know, what she wanted me to listen to her silence. Now if I remember that moment, I could understand the meaning of her silence, but wouldn’t be able to understand at that point of time. Ultimately with a very impenetrable voice, she started, “Saheb (This name had given by her to me), I perhaps know your feelings, your emotions towards me. I know, you like me and all my forms. The kind of care and affection you had given me in last two years is very rare. I think, the way you took care of me is something which I didn’t have got even from my family members, my parents. I do have same kind of emotions for you, what you have for me. I do want your presence in every moment of my life. Isn’t it possible that we should live together till eternity?”
I was speechless. I don’t know what to react. I did not know that she is that much sensible. I do have liked her. But was unaware that she could be able to express herself this much strongly and clearly. God, I was not having that much dares to express myself such strongly. And see, what she is saying.
Now it was my turn to express. I said, yes I would like your presence in every thick and thins of my life. But would you be able to walk with me till the end of our life!
Again a big silence. But this time she was really verbalizing with her expressions. I could clearly be able to read her eyes and perhaps her heart.
She said, “I know this is too late to give such commitments to you. But I would like you to be always around me whether I am with you or not”. With this she closed her talk and had given me a notebook with a paper inserted in it. She said, “This notebook is having a lot of thing written over its every page. I have written all my emotions for you on this notebook. If you can read, read it”. I didn’t have opened that book immediately. I don’t know for how long we were sitting there in restaurant. We didn’t have spoke even a single word after that but was listening and understanding each other. We left the place only when the waiter said, its time to close the shop.
I walked with her to her hostel, with a hush. Came back to my room. Opened the notebook. The notebook was completely blank except a page inserted separately into it which was having something written. This was written in English. It was a very crude English. I could not be able to understand what she had written over that piece of paper, but could be able to understand the circumstances when she would have written this. Probably she was trying to write a lot of thing and in this course of hurry, she wrote something understanding which is very difficult. The notebook was complete blank. This blank notebook was something where she really would have written her feelings but I was unable to read that time.
Now that suddenly this notebook came to my hand while arranging my stuff, I could be able to read all her emotions, and have read each and every page of that blank notebook. Yes I know it is still a blank notebook, but the time have overwritten a lot of things over every page of this notebook. Yes I can read what is written and overwritten over its every page, but it is too late now…
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