Seven Life To Pay One Debt

In every ones life a time comes when he or she regrets for some of the acts of his / her past. I am finding myself in the same kind of situation. I don’t know I was wrong at that point of time or not but I am feeling that whatever I did then was definitely not an act expected from a human. This is not first time when I am feeling sorry about that moment. Many a times, that incident waves over my eyes and wet them.

I was studying in Std 4th or 5th when my exams were over and was having winter vacation. This was for about a month and was given a lot of homework by my school. Those days, I was having a habit of reading comics. I even was having a collection of comics and books. I always use to read and re read them during my vacations. I remember, Patna was having a huge book fair every year during January or February. I was regular in that book fair and always use to wait for that book fair for the whole year. My father use to give me a Rs. 100 for that book fair every year. He was expecting me to go to the book fair, eat, and enjoy there with my friends. But I was always saving money for the whole year to purchase some books from there. So including the money which I was receiving from my father, I always use to purchase lots of books from there. This was making my father happy as he is having great respect for goddess Saraswati.

But that year I didn’t have received even a single penny from my father for the purpose of purchasing books. Perhaps he was facing a very sever financial crisis. I remember he even was going to his office walking instead of taking some rickshaw or bus to save some coins. And that time when I asked for money for book fair, he said no and said try to manage this time and not purchase any book. But I started shouting that I need money and that’s final, he said, see my boy you already have lot of books in your bookshelf. So this time don’t purchase any book. Next year I will give you double money to purchase books. I know, he was saying this in a great pain but even he was helpless. So I went to my room and stopped talking to him. Two days after this incident, I asked to my Mother that I need Rs 20 for purchasing a pen as I don’t have any pen and will have to finish my homework. My mother said, beta you already have lot of pen so use them only as you father is very much in depression due to the kind of financial crisis he is facing.

But I was firm over my stand that if you didn’t have given money to purchase books then give me money to purchase a Pilot Pen. Otherwise I will not do my homework. With a lot of pain, my dad handed over a 20-rupee note to me and I went to market to purchase a Pilot Pen. I purchased one, which literally was insignificant to me as I was having a lot of collection of pens.

Two days after that I was coming home in the evening from one of my friend’s home whose home was near to my Dad’s office. I was on my bicycle. I saw my dad on the way to home walking. I felt shock to see him walking down to home from his office that was about 6 Km. Just to see me happy, he had given Rs. 20 to me for a pen which surely was not required by me. He was suffering from this financial crisis and never had let us feel the situation. I was shocked. Should I cry or what to do…

I came home and went to my room, locked my room and started crying. I still have that pen with me for which my father has suffered. I don’t know would I be able to return this 20- rupee to my dad or not. Even if I work for my whole life, I wouldn’t be able to save, rather earn that 20-rupee to return my dad…

Coming Back To Roots

This starts where the dominion of advance, progressive and glamorous India ends. It starts where the rosy picture of modern life style comes to a halt. It starts where modern means of transportation ceases and imagery travels through the muddy, dark uneven roads. Yes, this is REAL INDIA. An India, which does not wear expensive, imported cosmetics but still looks as beautiful as heaven. An India, which knows that their body is giving an olfactory sensation to the surrounding but still, enjoys the smell of their elbow grease. A India which don’t know the name of person sitting next to her in a bus or train, but still try to take better care of him or her during the journey irrespective of her own comfort. Yes this is the Real India which is more beautiful than the so called its progressive counterpart. The India which may not be financially as strong as the other, but is more stable than the other part which always keep looking upon the every movement of SENSEX for identifying its own stability status.

Perhaps this is my first introduction to the REAL INDIA or perhaps this is first time when I am closely sussing out this India.

It was a very hard decision for me to shift to a rural part of the country, where wind carries lot of mud and where travel is a nightmare, from the highly developed part of nation where everything, even breeze is blowing with a kind of sophistication. In fact I almost started complaining about the place and even my this decision of moving to this place. Now that work is completely taking me to the ride that I am hardly getting time for myself, this India appeared to me.

The India, which is more innocent than the other India where inconsideration has become habit, rather attitude of people. The Real India where the land is worshiped rather than seen as a means of business. So what that people here are able to take only two crops from their land, they are happy feeding the country while staying empty stomach in between the two crops. So what, that they may not be a prospective customer for multi nationals, they are happy going to their haat and giving tough crusade to the counterpart. Where smile is given not to lurk pain or heinous act but to show real concern. Where wearing cloths is more of need based than to show off the world the dressing sense. Be it the kind of dress this India is wearing or the way they are eating, or the way they are talking to you, you will start loving everything of this India once you start believing this India and these Indians. My job demands a lot of traveling. These days I am traveling to every nook and corners of this rural India. The more I am traveling the more I would like to extend my travel to experience different aspects of these Indians life. Whether I am traveling through a train, a bus or a cab, I always find myself spell bounded with the surroundings. It always gives me a good feeling agaze upon people and observing them so as to understand everything.

Oh this is really beautiful India and Indian. I wish I could live this India forever and ever.

"S" (Success) Comes After "F" (Failure)

It is said that failure is the first step to success. I agree. I agree, because I have seen it time and again in my this much life. Although I can’t say that I didn’t have seen success in my life, but whatever the little success had came in my life, came late and after taking my whole lot of effort.

I remember the day when I didn’t have got selected for NCC Navy Core during my school days and was reluctantly went to join Scout. I remember my difficult survival for Rajya Puraskar in Scouting. I was almost abject of me passing out in this camp, but got cleared. I remember my selection for President Scout in the year 1998 because of my longevity as my contemporary batch mate was out of the school and went to study some good convent school. During this bivouac in Madhupur, a beautiful Railway Learning Center in Southern part of Bihar, I was getting cleared of by just a couple of marks more than the passing marks. My passing of this camp was appearing almost impossible. This really had frustrated me a lot and I worked hard in the final test. Out of a miracle of my really hard work at the eleventh hour, I happened to be the only guy from Bihar who get cleared into this camp and became President Scout. Oh god, how can I forget that moment when the CO of that camp had declared the result of that camp on the last day!

I came home after the camp and had announced my passing into that camp and becoming President Scout, the highest grade of the Scouting, my Dad felt so happy and had went to market to bring some Jalebi, a local Indian Sweet, for the entire family to celebrate my this little success which literally doesn’t have any significance in making career in future. Whatever, a success is a success, be it a small or big. Moreover I know what it took to get this success.

I remember my MBA days, when I was considered to be a mediocre student. It was the first semester of MBA and like most of the other student in that college, I was more into enjoying this time and was not studying much. Than a time came when our exams started hovering over our head and we then have started studying. That time intention was just to score leastways that much marks to keep the terms. During our internal exam, I scored highest in Managerial Economics. I probably had got highest marks because of my good handwriting or probably all had studied equally and I would have got advantage because of my way of writing answer. This actually had given me relief, but pain to one of my classmate. He was so depressed of me getting highest marks in this subject which that guy was having an opinion that he is the best in this subject. So in this state of mind he commented over the internal politics and face value than the intelligence for getting marks in internal exam. Again a failure, if not totally than partially, had motivated me to work hard and harder to get an edge. Goss, I scored a good mark even in the external exam and stood among 5 top students in that semester. This initial success actually had motivated me to work hard. In fact, I had got a taste of success and started studying hard and finally stood Topper in Marketing Stream. Another little success that came after some initial failure. In fact, every time I got success only after some initial failure.

If I recall my past, I could figure out that I had never been taken seriously. People started noticing me only after some successes. I learned that to get noticed you need to perform. This fact had given me strength to work hard and harder to make my good name into the arena of which I am the part of during that point of time.

This was not end of the difficult time in my life. I think the worst had to come yet into my life. And it doesn’t took much time to experience me that worst in my life.

I remember my days during my practically first job in Cadila Healthcare Ltd. I got selected into this esteemed Pharmaceutical Firm and went for about a month long training program in Ahmedabad (Gujrat). There a batch of training had already been started and I joined that batch after about a week of its commencement. There some of the experts were giving us training on subjects related to human systems and application of various chemical molecules over the system. Since I joined this training program after a week of its start, some of the basic course had been covered. It was whole lot of new subject for me to study. So I was finding some difficulty in adjusting with the training program. It wasn’t because I was dumb in that subject, but because I had missed the basics, which were being taught in the very first week. Hence I was not getting all the things that were been taught in that training. At the top of it, they were taking test every evening about what they taught us. In those test, I could not be able to perform. A day came when the training manager Mr. Mahadev Rao had berated me for I am not answering questions he asked in the classroom and am not up to the mark intellectually to join this organization. He told me to keep my luggage packed and go home if I could miss even a single question next day. This had given me a great feeling of failure and I studied for the whole evening and night. When other roommates of my room in the hotel were playing and enjoying their time, I was studying and trying to cover all the subjects, which was being taught. It was not because to save my job, but to show the world what I am. I didn’t have taken sleep that night. My roommates were saying to leave the training program before the class to avoid any embracement in the classroom. Even they were not having faith over me to clear this challenge. After this much vilification, I do wanted to leave this training and job, but not as a failure but as a winner. Next morning, the class started at 8 in the morning. Mahadev Rao came to the classroom and asked me to come to the dice and give presentation. When I asked about the topic that to on which topic should I give presentation, he said, “It doesn’t matter on which topic you want to give presentation today, as this is your last day in the training camp and will have to leave the training and company after your presentation. I suppose, you must have packed your luggage”.

I said, “Yes sir, I have packed my luggage. I would like to start this presentation from the basics and would slowly proceed to whatever had been taught in this training program till the date”.

As I started my presentation, Mahadev Rao was hearing it very casually. With the progress of my presentation, Rao started listening and at the end of my presentation, he commented, “See he write alphabet “S” very differently”. Yes I write “S” very differently and I always write it better than anyone. After joining my territory in Mumbai, I did what was dreamt of doing in that territory. My bosses have noticed me into the company and my good work have been appreciated by all.

Same thing had happened in my next company Nestle India Ltd, where initially I have not been noticed, and then when I started performing, got a good éclat in the company.

I don’t know whether I should have to get motivated of my past failure or not but every time I get failure, I try to sharpen my axe to get an edge over others.

This is just a start of my life; I don’t know what time has stored for me in future.

Those Old Days Emotions

Many a times, you do something or experience something in past and time let you forget that with its every passing bits. And then while traveling through your memories lane, all of a sudden you come across something which in past had amused you, when it was happening somewhere near to you. When this happens, you just export yourself to the past to re-live that moment, to see your expression at that point of time when that special thing had happened to you.

Same kind of feeling I am experiencing today. This was the incident when I was studying management. There was that beautiful and innocent lady in my class, whose presence just revitalizes everyone. When she is near to someone, no one was using his/her brain but just was enjoying her presence. Although she was not fool or dopy. But the way she speaks to people or her logic over anything simply was bringing smile over everyone’s face. Not even a single boy tries philandering her. She was only a soothing presence for everyone, be it a boy or a girl. Everyone was so diligent while talking to her. This obviously had attracted me towards her. It had nothing to take with flirting with her or kind of. But I wanted her presence in every bit of my life. She was so decent that I could not be able to express my feeling to her except to show extra care. I think, even she would have felt the glow in my eyes, which unwittingly bobs up when she would be around. She always was telling me that my eyes are so expressive and could not conceal the emotions coming to my heart. Although I could not be able to read in between the lines what she says. Perhaps because it is not my habit to understand what is not said. I always believe in straight communication rather than something to speak to let people guess what is the meaning of the said idiomatic expression. She always used to ask, why I am caring her so much. But as a habit of mine, I always had been so introvert in expressing my feelings very clearly to her. This was not because of the reason that I fell sort in verbalizing but because I always have feared of loosing her from my life if I express my feelings to her.

So the time passed, and she was still the game for me. Then a day came when we were about to graduate from the college. All the people of college were enjoying to the extreme in last few days of our college. Perhaps college or school days are always some of the precious period of everyone’s life which people always use to keep at the bottom of their heart to avoid any chance of its being stolen by someone. We knew that after this, we would not get any chance to enjoy like a student of University but would have to proceed to the professional life where we even don’t know what our fate has written over the paper of time.

One evening, after some fun in canteen, we were going back to our rooms, that pretty lady came to me and offered to have a cup of coffee with me. I was surprised, in fact surreal. Why she want to have coffee again if we already had one in-group! But without going through a lot of conjectures, I started walking the street with her to the nearby restaurant. There, we had a long hush. This silence was killing me. I became very apprehensive and ultimately tried to break the ice to start the talk. I was very anxious to see the kind of expressions coming over her face. I don’t know, what she wanted me to listen to her silence. Now if I remember that moment, I could understand the meaning of her silence, but wouldn’t be able to understand at that point of time. Ultimately with a very impenetrable voice, she started, “Saheb (This name had given by her to me), I perhaps know your feelings, your emotions towards me. I know, you like me and all my forms. The kind of care and affection you had given me in last two years is very rare. I think, the way you took care of me is something which I didn’t have got even from my family members, my parents. I do have same kind of emotions for you, what you have for me. I do want your presence in every moment of my life. Isn’t it possible that we should live together till eternity?”

I was speechless. I don’t know what to react. I did not know that she is that much sensible. I do have liked her. But was unaware that she could be able to express herself this much strongly and clearly. God, I was not having that much dares to express myself such strongly. And see, what she is saying.

Now it was my turn to express. I said, yes I would like your presence in every thick and thins of my life. But would you be able to walk with me till the end of our life!

Again a big silence. But this time she was really verbalizing with her expressions. I could clearly be able to read her eyes and perhaps her heart.

She said, “I know this is too late to give such commitments to you. But I would like you to be always around me whether I am with you or not”. With this she closed her talk and had given me a notebook with a paper inserted in it. She said, “This notebook is having a lot of thing written over its every page. I have written all my emotions for you on this notebook. If you can read, read it”. I didn’t have opened that book immediately. I don’t know for how long we were sitting there in restaurant. We didn’t have spoke even a single word after that but was listening and understanding each other. We left the place only when the waiter said, its time to close the shop.

I walked with her to her hostel, with a hush. Came back to my room. Opened the notebook. The notebook was completely blank except a page inserted separately into it which was having something written. This was written in English. It was a very crude English. I could not be able to understand what she had written over that piece of paper, but could be able to understand the circumstances when she would have written this. Probably she was trying to write a lot of thing and in this course of hurry, she wrote something understanding which is very difficult. The notebook was complete blank. This blank notebook was something where she really would have written her feelings but I was unable to read that time.

Now that suddenly this notebook came to my hand while arranging my stuff, I could be able to read all her emotions, and have read each and every page of that blank notebook. Yes I know it is still a blank notebook, but the time have overwritten a lot of things over every page of this notebook. Yes I can read what is written and overwritten over its every page, but it is too late now…

Differences in Diversity

This is marriage season. Everywhere you will see some barat going on with all the band and dances. This is creating a kind of traffic cram in the city roads. While you are in one such jam, you have got two options only, either you frustrate with this jam and clapperclaw people for no civic sense or you will enjoy the barat procession. In either case you could not be able to change any thing except your that passing moment. Just by enjoying that, you can make that moment dulcet. And that is what I am doing, generally.

Yesterday evening while going back home, I got stuck in one such traffic. There one marriage party was going on with all the dance and crackers on the road. This had created a massive traffic jam. On the top of it, everyone was trying hard to come out of this traffic jam and hence had literally exacerbated the situation. It had created a great mayhem on the road. Even if I was the part of this heavy traffic, I was out of it and was enjoying this marriage procession. I was just observing people in this crowd, their enjoyment and their unusual dances. Very Indian dance with all those snake dance movement, tapori dances, wrestling dances and “Only God Knows” kind of dances. This marriage procession was of some Muslim family. Everything in that marriage was same like any other marriage of any community except one thing. And that one thing was the songs which band party was playing. All the songs were taken from only those films where either Arabic music was there or had portrayed some Muslim family. No one was asking band to play some recent popular hit numbers. This was something which aroused my interest the most.

We say that we the Indian are same and only our names are different. We say that we all share the same tradition called India. But we conveniently differentiate ourselves with others by strictly adhering to what we call is our own. A professional dancer can dance on any track irrespective of the fact that which religion he or she follows or which tradition that songs belongs to. But dances done in marriages indicates the common people of the country and their faith and beliefe. That is very much distinguishing from each other. And that distinguishing thing creates differences among us. Our faiths are so much strong in these traditions that we cannot think of deviating from it and stay intransigent about it. We refuse enjoying even on the songs which we feel is not ours and belongs to some other religion. This I feel somewhere leads to all the communal vexing. This somewhere tells us that though we are sharing the same space called India but we are totally different than others. And this is one “Diversity in Unity” and “Differences in Unity” and “Differentiation in Diversity”.

Old Days Are Still There

While going through one village, I saw some colorful decorative papers tied making a circular well keeping a single bamboo in the center of the circle. Wait, I need not have to ask about this to anybody as for what purpose this decoration has been done. I have seen such kind of thing during my puerility days. It was a venue for the cycling competition. In this, someone owes a challenge of cycling unceasingly for 2 or 3 days. Here that person cycle for entire day and night until he meets the challenge. He takes food, drink water, do everything while cycling. This is one of the games which I had seen many times in my childhood days. Atleast once or twice every year. The reason why I like this very much is because of the fact that after rigorous and painful 2 or 3 days, a winner comes out of it. The man gets much accolade and acclamation and of course money from the locality.

After a much longer time I am seeing any such thing, perhaps after 15 - 20 years. I almost have forgotten this game.

Why only continuous cycling, there are lot of games such as ludo, kabbadi, gilli – danda, snake and ladder, Chinese checker etc which are now trivial these days, at least I think so.

But it is not always that I am right. And this time I am definitely not. Perhaps I am so busy and pre occupied with my own life that I almost have forgotten seeing kids playing different old days games. Perhaps nothing has changed; perhaps only I am not the same that I was 15 – 20 years back. Even today people are playing ludo, otherwise why a big biscuit company will give ludo free with every pack. Otherwise why this cycling competition was held there.

I think I need to be more observant about things.

Its All Same: Only Name is Different

It was such a boring evening. I was doing just routine work since long. It was a kind of creative static inertia phase which I was passing through. Just routing work and nothing. I never had been like that. I always keep doing something new, something creative. Experiment is like essence of life for me. In that spur of moment, I was having tea outside my stockist office at a cart tea stall. A massive thought process was going on with a thought “What Next”! And then this group of Bahurupiya I saw at the shop opposite to the tea stall. They had taken a form of Lord Ram and their associates. That was a group of 5 people with all the indigenous musical instruments. They were narrating some sayings of Shri Ramcharitmanas in the form of song. What they do is they take any mythological lords form and go to shop to shop and establishment to establishment to narrate some of the sayings of the relevant holy book and ask for money to the people which people happily donate. The same thing they were doing there at that shop. They took money and came out of the shop. While they were coming out, another group of beggar came. They were a Muslim group of people who were asking money in the name of Allah. They were four people carrying a long deep green cloth holding at its four ends. That piece of cloth was having white bordering with lace and the name Allah was embroidered at the centre. This group of people stood outside that same shop and sang some sufi song of love with Allah. The shopkeeper came outside and threw some penny in the cloth they were carrying. What amused me the most in these two series of incidents was that while donating money we hardly care if the person is asking money in the name of Ram or Allah or Guru Nanak or Jesus. We just give away the money and feel good after doing it, if really. But when it comes to someone who aggravates us in the name of dharma, we just get up and hold sword or gun to kill each other. At that point of time do we remember that we are surviving not only because of the well wishes of our own religion mates but also because of the good wishes of other religion for which we have donated, intentionally or unintentionally.

We must have to thank these baggers or bahurupiya who comes to us to teach that its only the name which is different otherwise every dharma gives us a momentary pleasure when we donate, irrespective of the names. We must have to thank them for creating a kind of satisfaction in us as there are lot of people up above the sky who is blessing us and keeping us moving.