Broken Window, Little Sparrow

It was 6 in the morning. I got up of the chirping sound coming very close to my existence in the room. I came to the drawing room and saw two little sparrow playing, flying here and there within the room. Seeing these very cute sparrows, I forgot the fact that this is Sunday morning and I woke up too early. I just sit there on a chair and started enjoying their play. Good that the newspaper too came a little early, or perhaps it comes at this time only. It is me who wakes up late. So it was a perfect morning with the east sky wearing saffron make up for welcoming the Sun, the soothing rays of morning sun coming in to the room from the broken glass of the window of the drawing room, had newspaper in my hand, enjoying early morning tea and these two little sparrows playing in the entire room.

I remember the incidence some 4 week back when in the same such morning, some of the big boys playing cricket in the ground just opposite to my bungalow. I woke up with a cranking sound of one of my window’s glass. It had been smashed and broken by one of the boys’ hit to the ball. It was the same morning, same beautiful saffron sky, same newspaper and hot tea. But only difference was, while like today I was enjoying the hot tea with a nice mood and those sparrows, that morning I was having a bad mood because of that broken window and nasty noise of that window glass.

These sparrows made their way into my house from that part of the broken window. By the evening I saw some of the straws making way to one of the corner of the roof groove in the drawing room. Means, these sparrows are planning to make their nest in my drawing room. So from today onward till this winter season, I would have to wake up a little early with their chirping sound.

I seriously don’t mind getting up in the morning a little early, if the morning be such a beautiful. So, going to bed with a hope of another perfect morning with the crimsoning saffron colored east sky, soothing rays of sun coming in from the broken window, newspaper, hot tea and those beautiful sparrows playing here and there with their chirping sound.

THE ATTITUDE OF QUALITY POPULATION !

When we flied from Raipur, the flight was a little vacant. So irrespective of our seat numbers on the boarding pass, we chose our convenient place for sitting. I sit with one of my colleague, leaving my seat thinking that there would be fewer passengers today which is quite very common in Raipur Indore Flight on week days. This was a hopping flight that makes the entire journey of 1 hr 20 min. to more than 3 hr. So you need to be busy while flying as to avoid any boredom. And this was one reason I had chose to sit with my colleague.

Sometimes, what we pretend goes wrong. We reached Bhopal as first halt of our Raipur – Indore route. And all of a sudden a mob of people came inside flight. They were going to the last destination of the flight, Ahmedabad. A person came to me and informed that I had occupied his seat. I was about to leave his seat for going to my assigned one, this person started abusing me of occupying other person’s seat. I think it would have been his bad day today and had come in here with that mood only. So I refrained myself of replying him and also have stopped my colleague to reply this person who had came in a mode of paying him back what he said.

I reached my seat which was just a row behind my colleague’s seat. There a gentleman was sitting adjacent to my seat. He was reading book of one of my favorite Author. That was enough for me to start a talk with him as I had read that book and the journey of an hour was still remaining.

“This is really a good book, based on the series of incidences occurred with victims of the Indo-Pak partition”.

“Yes, though I am not an avid reader but still this book had glued me with its story. Hi, I am Venkatesh”.

“Amitesh”.

And we both shook our hand.

With some formal talk about our place of residence and job, we came back to the book that we were discussing. It seemed that even that person got bored of this journey.

“But in these 63 years after the Independence, India had moved far ahead. Barring some of the scams and problems, I think we managed to list our name in group of progressive countries” I said.

“Yes, but I still feel that we have more potential than what we have achieved today”.

“This is there, that is why we are seeing development year after year. It was time when development was the word for Metros and some Tier A towns. But now this has spread to even a small village. Even a state like Bihar can grow and register its positive presence on the map then I think we as a country are in right direction”.

He was listening my long speech keeping a pleasant smile on his face. And I know he was having some different point of view on this. When someone listens to you with a smile on the face, but eyes on vacuum that means he either is not agreeing you or something else is going on in his mind and is not with you at that point of time.

“I think, we developed a lot but we still miss an attitude”.

“Attitude! Means”.

Here it is. My guess was right. He was not at all agreeing with me on the development of India. Now it was my time to be a perfect listener. I know, he must be having a lot to tell on this. And this time again what I pretend was right. Oh, why my pretending about the lesser passenger in today’s flight went wrong? I would not have heard the first person’s those sarcastic comments on seat otherwise.

“I think, we should understand one thing that if we could keep our house clean, we must have to keep our colony, city, state and country clean. We need to develop an attitude of keeping our country clean. You go to Australia and you will find a difference in the attitude of people. I have been to that country and I have seen how people love their country”.

“Yes you are right”. What to tell this guy, that he is giving an example of a Country that still honors The Crown supremacy over their own control. But when he was expressing himself, he mean to find a listener who should listen only and don’t even try changing his thought. I was also not in mood of any debate rather wanted someone to pass my time in flight.

He continued, “You go to Japan and will understand that how they have reformed the country after the worst hit of nuclear weapon in two of their major city. Do we really have any attitude of doing so”?

“But still we are one of the technologically advanced countries”. Finally I provoked.

“Yes but not like Japan. I have been into that country and have seen the technological advancement of that country”.

OK. So it’s not the attitude or technology or love for country. It’s he want to tell me more about him.

Not the stopping for him, he still was having more complains about people of India. “People not follow traffic rules here. This is a country of thief and murderer and scammers. I don’t mind Mr. Ambani having 15 kids since he can afford upbringing of all the 15 kids in a better way. But what disturbs me the most is the population that leads to a criminal society. It’s not the matter of excessive population in India, it’s about not so quality population. Go to Thailand and you would understand what prosperity means. A country of really a quality population and cultured people”.

“LADIES AND GENTLEMAN. THIS IS YOUR PILOT DEV PATEL. WE ARE ABOUT TO LAND IN INDORE’S DEVI AHILIYA BAI HOLKAR AIRPORT. I AM SURE OUR CREW MEMBER HAS DONE EVERYTHING TO MAKE YOUR JOURNEY A VERY PLEASANT ONE”.
A very soothing voice floated in the cabin, as soothing as the fly itself, a very jerk – free fly.

This has given me a great relief from the lecture of Mr. Venktesh about his country that has lot of problems and we are nowhere as compared to other countries of world.
While talking to him, when I asked what are the ways to be perfect, his reply was "We have reached a level when nothing can be done to cure this cronic disease of attitude. I think we should have to raise our voice against any wrong going around us".
"But did you have raised your voice for any such ill happenings according to you in your surroundings".
For this he rather started looking outside the window where the Indore City has started visible with those sparklings of the bulbs and street light.

I beg your pardon Mr. Venkatesh. We do have lot of problem but we still are the best in world. We are almost most perfect economy in the world. We are considered as the fastest growing economy and super power of world. We are the best breed of the world as far as knowledge is concern. Our educated population is not only working to build India a best place but also working hard in every part of the world to make this earth a better place to live. Yes I do agree that there are lots of problem in this country but which country don’t have problem.

I think if there is any problem in our country, this is because of people like them who don’t have attitude of seeing positives of their own motherland. Yes you are right, it’s the attitude and I need not have to explain further who’s attitude.

ठंढे दिनों के गर्म अहसास

वो ठंडी हवाओं का जिस्म में सिहरन पैदा करना
वो गुनगुनी धुप की हलकी हलकी थपकियाँ देना
वो देर सुबह आँगन में बैठ किताबों के बीच खो जाना
वो लहकते फूल अमलतास के सिहरते से टूट कर गिर जाना.
जाड़े के उन ठंढे दिनों की गर्मी आज भी साथ है मेरे,
बस वो दिन दूर हो गए है मुझसे
शायद मै दूर हो गया हूँ उन ठंढे दिनों के गर्म अहसास से.

- अमितेश

Murderer of Craving People

Today I cried. I cried because of a very strange reason. I was having my food in the afternoon. The food was good. After all I had made it. But much contrary to my these days habit, I took a little more food in my plate. More than I could have eaten. So as expected, I left more than half of it in my plate. Now I had to throw that food. I threw it. And that’s what made me cry. I was much surprised with my this act. Even I don’t know why I had cried.

I am generally quite a foody person. Though I eat less, but always try eating variety. Because of this habit, my mother always had been bringing variations in the daily staple food. And because of this habit, I had joined the Medical College Mess of my college as that was the mess where they were always maintaining quality and variety.

During those days, I was having a habit of leaving lots of food in the plate. And I was very arrogant about this habit. I remember, one day I was having my lunch with one of my friend in the Medical College Mess. As usual, I left quite some food in my plate after finishing my lunch. That friend probed me that why did have I left so much food in the plate? My reply was “I am paying for what I eat and what I am not eating as well”.

My reply was quite very arrogant that he didn’t have probed me any further.

After finishing my college, I joined a company in Mumbai that was paying me quite OK. But because of certain responsibility, that money was a little less than my requirement. So I faced situations, when I had to eat “Wada – Pao” many a times, especially in the last week of the month. There was time when I was having a kind of philosophy of paying not only for what I eat, but also for what I don’t eat. And then that was the time when it was Wada – Pao that was giving me the daily dose of nutrition and taste.

Joining job has given me a lot of insight about the surroundings. I became more observant about things. I had seen people craving for food. Forget the variety; have seen people praying for even a handful of food to eat. I have seen kids not able to fulfill their dream of becoming educated, as their parents were busy collecting money to earn at least one food of the day for their family. I have seen people searching for food in the garbage like an animal to find at least a bread to qualify for the prerequisite of survival.

These experiences had literally changed me and my thought for the food. Every time some food get left after taking my meal, the faces of those craving people ran through my eyes. Every time, I was seeing a left – out food in the plate of any person, those poor people searching for bread in garbage pass through my eyes.

My habit of leaving food in the plate get changed. Now, I generally do not leave anything in my plate. Now I take as much of food as I can eat in my plate.

And that is the reason why I cried today, when I myself have thrown the food that would have been used by some craving person for surviving. I was literally feeling like a killer of some hungry person. And that is why I cried. Quite dramatic but still I cried.

बलिदान

"झुमुरु आ इधर. बदमाश उस तरफ कहाँ भाग रहा है। पकड़ में आ जा फिर बताता हूँ तुम्हे"।

हामिद चिल्लाते हुए भागा जा रहा था उस बकरे के पीछे। आखिर पकड़ ही लिया उसने उस चितकबरे बकरे को। तीन चार चपत, प्यार भरी चपत लगाई हामिद ने झुमरू को। झुमरू भी एक सभ्य बच्चे की तरह चुप चाप मार खा गया। शायद वह भी जानता था कि हामिद को तंग करने की इतनी प्यारी सजा तो उसे मिलनी ही चाहिए।

पिछले चार-पांच महीनो से यही सिलसिला चला आ रहा था। जब से झुमरू को हामिद के अब्बा ज़मींदार चौधरी  बिलकिस बेग के घर से ले कर आये थे, हामिद को जैसे अपना छोटा भाई मिल गया था। वह उसे कभी बड़े भाई, कभी बाप की तरह प्यार करता। आखिर आठ बरस उम्र का फासला भी तो था हामिद और झुमरू में।

हामिद को झुमरू के साथ खेलते देख उसके अब्बा को बड़ा रस्क होता।उनका अपना बचपन हामिद कि शक्ल में लौटता नज़र आता। 

हामिद कभी झुमरू के लिए घुंघरुओं वाला गले का पट्टा अम्मी से बनवाता कभी उसके अगले पैरों में घुंघरुओं का पाजेब। छन - छन  कर के जब झुमरू पुरे घर में उचल-कूद मचाता तो लगता पुरे घर में ईद सी रौनक आ गई हो। हामिद उसके बगैर तो एक पल भी नहीं रह पाता। साथ खाता, साथ घूमता, साथ में ही उसे ले कर सोता। हामिद के अब्बा को भी एक सुकून था कि उसका बच्चा झुमरू के साथ मन लगाता है, कम - से - कम गाँव के आवारा लड़कों के साथ कंचे तो नहीं खेलता। 

इन पांच महीनो में झुमरू भी जैसे परिवार का सदस्य सा हो गया था. जैसे वह भी इस बात को समझता था। सुबह - सुबह जब अब्बा बेग साहेब की कोठी कि और निकलते तो झुमरू उन्हें बाहर तक छोड़ने आता और मै - मै की आवाज़ निकल कर शाम को आते समय हरी हरी घांस लाने की फरमाईश कर देता। अब्बा भी उसकी भाषा समझ कर जवाब देते - "हां, हां लेता आऊंगा हरी घांस तेरे लिए"।

अम्मी जब कुएं पर बर्तन धो रही होती, वह कभी उनका दुपट्टा अपने मुंह से खिचता कभी बर्तन। अम्मी भी चार - छह गालियां चस्पा कर उसे दूर भागती। गालियां सुन कर वह मस्ती में भर कर कुचाले भरता हामिद के पास पहुच जाता।

कभी कभी इंसानों से भरा - पूरा परिवार भी घर की खुशियों को बढ़ा नहीं पाता और कई दफा महज एक जानवर जो न तो इंसानी जुबान बोल सकता है न ही समझ सकता है, भी ज़िन्दगी को मुकम्मल बना देता है। झुमरू भी ऐसे ही एक जहाँ का प्राणी था, खुदा की दी हुई एक नेमत जिसने हामिद और उसके परिवार में फरिश्तों सी खुशियाँ बिखेर दी थी।

वक़्त यूँहीं हसते खेलते कट रही थी। हामिद झुमरू के साथ बड़ा होता जा रहा था। चौधरी बिलकिस बेग की मिलकियत बढती जा रही थी और हामिद के अब्बा की जिम्मेदारियां भी। कल तक जो उनके बागों में फूलों की क्यारियां लगाया करता था, आज वही हामिद के अब्बा चौधरी साहब के खेतों का सुपर्वाएज़र हो गया था। 

वक़्त गुजरता गया और साल का सबसे पाक महिना आ गया - रमज़ान का महिना। चारो ओर एक अजीब सी रौनक थी। लोग भूखे रह कर भी कैसे खुशियाँ मना लेते हैं यह नायब सा माजरा इस महीने में ही देखने को मिलता है। खुशियाँ हमेशा भरे पेट ही नहीं मनाई जाती है। जब दिल में अल्लाह और दिमाग में इबादत की आयतें भरी हो तो फर्क नहीं पड़ता की पेट खाली है या भरी। फिर इसी रौनक में यह महिना भी निकल गया और आ गया बलिदान वाला दिन। हामिद के अब्बा जानते थे ये दिन तो आना हीं था। शायद झुमरू को भी इस बात का सुबहा था की अल्लाह ने उसे ज़मी पर इसी इरादे से भेजा है की किसी दिन उसे किसी नेक काम के लिए अपनी बलि देनी पड़े। आखिर बलिदान को तो मुसलमानों में सबसे पाक काम माना गया है, धर्म की सबसे बड़ी परीक्षा और काम। 

हामिद के अब्बा ईद के ठीक एक दिन पहले झुमरू को बेग साहेब की कोठी पर ले जाने लगे। हामिद ने कहा की मैं भी साथ में चलता हूँ। उनकी कोठी पर हम दोनों खूब खेलेंगे और फिर मैं इसे ले कर वापस आ जाऊँगा। अब अब्बा हामिद को कैसे समझाए की झुमरू को वापस लाने के लिए नहीं ले जा रहे हैं वो। उसका तो दिन मुक़र्रर कर दिया गया है खुदा के पास जाने का।

अब्बा ने फिर हामिद को पहले तो बलिदान की कहानियाँ सुनाई। उसका मजहब में महत्व समझाया। फिर बताया की झुमरू तो इस दुनिया में इसी नेक काम के लिए आया था। कल इसे खुदा के पास वापस जाना है। 

हामिद बोल पड़ा - "ठीक है अब्बा। मैं और झुमरू दोनों इस नेक काम को करेंगे. मेरी भी बलिदान दे दो खुदा को।"

अब्बा सन्न से रह गए। उन्हें समझ नहीं आया क्या जवाब दे इस नादाँ बच्चे को।

ठीक ही तो था। इतना ही पाक है तो अपने बच्चे की बलि क्यों न कर दी जाए उस परवरदिगार के नाम पर। पर झुमरू कौन सा बेगाना था उनका। ज़रूरी तो नहीं की कोंख से पैदा होंने पर ही कोई अपनी औलाद कहलाये। यह भी तो ज़रूरी नहीं की अपनी औलाद कहलाने के लिए इंसानी शक्ल अख्तियार करना पड़े. बाप - बेटे का रिश्ता तो रूह का रिश्ता होता है। फिर क्या फर्क पड़ता है की यह रूह एक इंसान के शरीर में अपना ठिकाना बनाता है ये किसी झुमरू जैसे बकरे के शरीर में। मुसलमानों में पुनर्जन्म का हिन्दुई फलसफा तो नहीं होता पर अब्बा को अभी न जाने क्यों ऐसा लग रहा था की झुमरू उसका अपना ही कोई हिस्सा है जो इस जन्म में बकरे का रूप अख्तियार कर के आया है।

अब्बा अभी भी शब्दों को गढ़ने की कोशिश कर रहे थे। हामिद अभी भी झुमरू को पकड़ कर खड़ा था। आखिरकार अब्बा ने जबरदस्ती झुमरू को हामिद की पकड़ से छूड़वाया और चल दिए बेग साहेब की कोठी की ओर। दरवाज़े के बाहर खड़े हामिद को कुछ समझ नहीं आ रहा था क्या करे, रोये या खुश हो। उसे बार - बार अब्बा की कही बलिदान की कहानी याद आ रही थी। जैसे अब्बा झुमरू को ले कर बेग साहेब की कोठी की ओर नहीं जा रहे थे, हज़रत इब्राहिम अपने बेटे इस्माईल को ले कर मीना, मक्का की ओर जा रहे हो, अपने धर्म को पूरा करने के लिए, सारे सांसारिक मोह - माया को छोड़ कर। 



धर्म

जब निकला नहा कर बाथरूम से सुबह सुबह

सोचा कर लूं भगवान् को याद थोडा,
जब गूंजी आवाज़ अज़ान कि फिजा में
सोचा कर ली जाए इबादत खुदा कि आज.
तब दिया एक खंज़र मेरे दोस्त ने मुझे
यह कह कर कि धर्म की अस्मिता का सवाल है आज.
पर मै किस धर्म की लड़ाई लडू
मुझपर तो रहा है राम की रहमत
और खुदा का करम हमेशा!

Raipur

9th May, 2009

Raipur

So now finally I reached Raipur, the capital city of Chattisgadh. This definitely is a beautiful city with all the trait of development. It is like this city is trying to come out of its cocoon and want to show the world what it is. A real great experience for me to be the part of this city, rather the state. This is the fourth state which I am going to be part of during this much of my small life. I came here on 1st March, ’09 after getting transferred from spiritual city Ujjain.

Though my first experience with this city was not so good. The day when I came here, it was like “man where did I have come”. But as I started experiencing this city, I started almost loving it. Be it the auto driver of this city who may ask for your entire property to take you to probably 3 Km stretch or the cycle rickshaw puller with a makeweight in their eyes of getting better payout for their hard work this time. The always crowded liquor shop where you can find people standing and purchasing booze at any stretch of the day or the squares of the city where you will find pretty looking female traffic guards who are questing to control the unorganized traffic.

Whatever, the city is beautiful and I would definitely enjoy my stay here.

Ordinary Day, Ordinary Experience

Life is all about series of ordinary incidents. And these ordinary incidents happen on any and every ordinary days with us. These are so ordinary that sometimes gives us a very extra-ordinary feeling. A platonic feeling. The importance of these incidents increases when it occurs during the time of your mental occupancies with other stuff.

After finishing my work, I headed to my house a little early when the sky just had started blushing to welcome the evening like a newly wed Indian wife waiting at the door and blush when sees her husband coming after work. The part of sky was having some of the higher clouds running very fast to the blushing horizon to give her the veil from the evening. I was riding back almost engrossed with these sceneries appearing even in the concrete jungle. All my imagery horses came to a halt when the worldly stuff undertook all my platonic imaginations. I had to purchase some vegetables as all thoughts need food too. But more unexpected things were yet to come.

I stopped my bike at one of the vegetable markets on the way home. At one corner of the vegetable market, there is a temple of lord Shiva. Some bhajan was going on outside the temple. I hardly had taken any look there and was busy purchasing some vegetables. I think this had not been accepted by the nature and out of nowhere it started raining heavily. To take a shelter, I ran towards the temple. Oh boy, there was some special bhajan going on there. Then I realized that today is Shri Krishna Janmastami, the celebration of birth of Lord Krishna, one of the most cherished God after Ganesha.

There was a group of Bahurupiya performing at the tent built near the temple. They were narrating and singing with very indigenous kind of musical instruments and there were some bahurupiya dressed in various mythological characters performing. This is a very special form of folk song called “Pandwani”. This is one of the most popular folk song forms of Chattisgarh popular not only in India but in world even. Pandwani is a form of musical narrative. This mostly deals with mythological stories of Mahabharata. This is being sung mostly by the tribes of Chattisgarh. I had heard Pandwani during the Doordarshan Days of my life when one of the famous singers of this form of music, Teejan Bai was a regular in the Krishi Darshan and likes program. The Government of India had awarded her prestigious “Padmashree” award to her for her contributions to this traditional art form.

It was raining like hell. Water had started flowing on the roads and so is the Pandwani. The experience was so soothing to me that it had relieved all my nerves. I couldn’t realize when rain had stopped. I was just flowing in the singing of those local folk artists. The entire performance was so much grand that I was feeling proud being associated with a culture called Chattisgarh. I don’t know the name of the group of these artists neither do I know the name of any of the artists performing there. But what I know was that they were the agent of Lord Krishna to let me realize that how grand our culture is and we need to spare some time to enjoy these ancestral art forms whose soothing effects is really so rejuvenating and vitalizing.

Thank You So Much for making my evening.

The Food Philosophy of Religion

This is the month of Holy Ramadan. This month is having a great importance for the Muslim of the world. For this whole month, the Muslim people fast between the periods of Sunrise to the Sunset, though the calculation made based on the movement of moon. A different kind of enthusiasm can be seen in every Muslim during this month. They take their food in the morning before the sun rises and this is called “Sehari” and the evening food is taken after sunset and this is called “Iftaar”. They are having a tradition of breaking their fast in group during the “Iftaar”. This meeting and eating together makes the bonding between them even stronger. I really don’t know if this tradition has been developed by the ancient Muslims to let them understand the importance of control over their desire or was a way of teaching them the grandness of the unity!

My stockist office is in the main market of Raipur. In between the stockist office to my flat, there a Muslim reigned colony is located. During this month, this colony looks very ceremonial. While coming back to home every evening, lot of people in white Kurta / Sherwani and white Zulfi Cap are seen wandering here and there greeting people, talking, laughing together. This entire scene is so lively that it gives me eminent pleasure witnessing this. What a tradition to get bonded together. And this perhaps is the only reason that Muslim sometimes are misunderstood as the potential threat to the world especially the progressive world. But as a matter of fact, it’s not Muslim but it is their unity which the progressive world is feared of.

There is also a Mosque on the way to home from the office. My time of returning back home almost coincides with the Iftaar time. Near the mosque, a lot of temporary shops can be seen during the entire month. These shops are having just a table in the name of furniture over which lot of food items of different shapes and sizes are decoratively cumulous up for selling. These food articles are being purchased by the people coming out of the mosque after their evening prayers, for the purpose of calling off that day’s roza. These food articles are used for Iftaar. Many a times it happened that when I am passing by this road, the people are coming out of the mosque. From the mosque gate, they just run like a bullet towards these temporary food stalls to purchase their stuff and have it in group after remembering “Allah” and break to their respective works.

What one thing that attracts me is the commonness of philosophy of all the religions. This one common thing is every religious ritual of all the religion of the world ends with eating scrumptious food. We in some dharma call it “Prasad” or in some other religion call it “Langar” and in some religion it is known as “Iftaar”.

Every great religious philosophy ends in keeping the mankind alive. And for being alive, its food and not philosophy that is required. The food philosophy of Religion…!

Religious Liberty

Written a year back on Ganesh Chaturthi

Ever since the ascent of mankind, people would have started thinking of putting some guideline to make them live within the terminus ad quem. This would have motivated people to make some philosophy of life. Probably different philosophy had given birth to various religions. Hinduism is one such philosophy which I believe is more of the way of life. Hinduism gives such a liberty to its partisans to modify it as per the need of time, without hampering the soul of the basic philosophy. But sometimes, the liberty becomes that much boundary less that it starts giving you itching in your soul.

Ganesh Festival is having its own history in our country. Though Lord Ganesha is as old as any Ved or Upnishad or probably more than that. But, in our country, it is believed that Bal Gangadhar Tilak was the person who had started making the celebration of this festival larger, in view of creating a national integration during the rising tension between Hindu and Muslims in the country. Lord Ganesha is one of the most experimented Gods in Hindu Religion. I mean, artists have experimented a lot on the structure of Lord Ganesha in their sculpture or paintings.

These days when Ganesh Festival is commencing, lot of festival pandal can be seen in every nooks and corner of Raipur. I don’t know about the astha or belief of the people, but the statues of Lord are something which is beyond our imagination. If at some place the idol is being limned as software professional with the laptop in his hand instead of modak, then at some other place he is being represented as the hippy, at some place as politician than at some other place people have imagined him as the freedom fighter. The worst is that, at some place the lord is being shown sitting on tiger or on eagle which is beyond any mythological sayings.

Great. Total respect for the emotions of people for the Lord. But isn’t this the way of making fun of the belief of the dharma rather then showing the astha over the god. Though the present stature of god is also imaginations of human. Perhaps no one has witnessed the lord. Neither anyone of that time, if any, had transcripted that how god was looking like. But the ancient visualization of the stature of lord Ganesha or any god is having some strong philosophy and explanation that don’t have any in today’s people’s creativity towards transforming the stature of the lord.

The liberty of Hinduism could not and should not be misused like this. This really hurts me a lot. While seeing such idol, rather than bowing infront of the lord, it gives me a kind of wrath towards the unnecessary creativity of the makers of the idol. I think there has to be a kind of policing over these things by the society so that we should pass on good and great things to our children rather than giving them a very strange form of dharma which in due course of time would become the story of history and the Hinduism would be lost in the books only.

S-(LANG)UAGE

We are educated bunch of people. We know every thing. We have answer to almost all the questions of the world. But there is only one problem. That is the accuracy of the words that we are using. Means, for putting things into words, we often forget the exact spellings. This is well observed on hoardings, boards, brochures and other literatures used by us. This is not applicable with English only. Even in Hindi or Marathi (I know only these much languages, so only that much examples), while writing something, we often makes spelling mistakes. Sometimes, these mistakes lead to totally different meaning of the sentence. I don’t really understand that these mistakes are because of we are so much forgetful or its just we have learnt this way only.

A pure English or pure Hindi is very rare hearing these days. That’s why we generally give compliments to someone who speaks a little correct English or Hindi. While doing so we just forget that Hindi is our mother tongue which we have grown up speaking. Even English is very common these days atleast in the group of people who uses the media where they make mistakes.

It’s not only the education but the correct education that is the need of the hour. Otherwise we will end up loosing the soul of the language and would discover a very new language like we already have done in case of “Hinglish”. And loosing a grip from our own language is first step to the societal degradation.

7 Hours of Injustice

Last weekend I was in Tata Nagar for some of my personal work. As it was just a day affair, so had not taken any leave. The work went well and was to leave by evening train. The train was almost on time. I boarded the train and reached my berth. And there was a kind of shock for me. 5 young men were sitting in that compartment. They were all drunk and their drinking was still on. One of the men requested me to take his berth which is the aisle berth. I agreed as I wasn’t in mood to invite unnecessary problems during the journey.

Thankfully I was carrying this book “Jangalnaama” by Satnam. This is the travelogue of Satnam in the Mao Guerilla camp. Since the time I had been staying in Chattisgadh, Naxalism is one topic which attracts me a lot. I really want to understand that why this philosophy of mid 60’s is still persistent when we already have moved a lot ahead in the economic progression. When Jamindari Pratha is completely eradicated and untouchability is not something which is seen in any part of the country, still why a philosophy based on these thought is attracting people. When education and development has reached to every nooks and corner of the country, why there are groups that think that development in their strong hold areas will dissemble their philosophy which is almost insignificant in today’s world. Why we still talk about social justice when a lot work has been done in last 60 – 62 years from our independence and is more or less achieved in the broader parts of nation. Why the interest of merely 1 or 2% people is jolting the entire nation.

This was a nice book. I was in flow of reading the book and the train was maintaining that flow with me. The distance was shortening station after station. Neither I nor the train cared much about that as we both were busy with the speed, one with the speed of reading and other with the speed of running. Those drunken guys were kept walking to bathroom. Just not to get distracted with this, I pulled my curtain and got engrossed in the book. I was traveling the Guerilla camps from one village to other with the author. Suddenly I heard one of the drunken guys giving some information to their pals is very loud voice. He said that Chakradharpur station is coming and this train will not go ahead of this station till the morning as there is a Naxalite affected area ahead. With this he added some abusive words to the Naxals, Railways and the Government.

I cross checked this with the attendant and this information was totally correct. So this was 10 O’clock night and the train will leave Chakradharpur station not sooner than 5 O’clock in the morning. Till the time we will have to be the uninvited guest of Chakradharpur. This is because of the fact that The Government of India think that the life of every citizen of the country is precious and this is the best our government can do to save our life from any unfortunate incidence in the area which though is part of the great nation called India but even our government is feared to cross in the darkness.

What the heck!

To my surprise our train was not the only one to stay at Chakradharpur station. There were 2 more trains halting there and 3 more were to stay there for the whole night.

This was really disgusting. For the whole 7 hours we will have to stay here for the reason that the entire nation doesn’t have any solution. Would Kanu Sanyal and Ranu Mojumdaar had been alive they would have felt proud seeing our Government helpless infront of their philosophy. Would Gandhiji have been alive, he would have felt ashamed seeing that he worked for his whole life to bring social justice in the society in his Non – violent ways but here even though the social justice has came, people is still beating that same drum just for their own nasty interest, giving priority to their thought over the nation. That 7 precious hours, 7 hours of un-productivity for the part of nation that is having only one geographical fault of being in the red corridor.

Reading “Jungalnaama” was like experiencing the book as the author was in jungle to experience the life of Mao Guerilla and I was waiting outside the jungle for him to come and board the train. Untill that, I will have to give those 7 precious hours for the cause which for sure I am not supporting.

Auf wiedersehen

Meeting people and making friends is one of the common behaviors of any individual. I am not different in that regard. I do love meeting people. But I am a bit choosy in making friend. I generally take a little more time than general to open up with any one. But once I open up with someone, I love being part of the inner circle of that friend or would like to keep him / her in my inner circle of the relationship. In short, I believe in long lasting friendship. I try being or keeping that person near to me. But what is not important is what you like but important is how time wants things to be.

In this much little life, I have made very few good friends. I do have spent a considerably good time with them. Enjoyed every moments of togetherness with them. But what is really painful is departing with them. Not because of any misunderstandings with them but because its time that feel there are certain thing which is more important than the togetherness. Departing with those friends is like something is being torn apart from within you. And while in such a moment I could not be able to express my emotions over my face. That’s because perhaps I am not a good actor. Whatever, but the truth is that, such moment of departure is always a painful experience. However that painful emotion remains momentary for me as I know that this is just a geographical distance not the emotional parting.

Thank God, I never have lost those good friends from life. And certainly this time is not an exception.

Pour Out Disputs

Its rainy season here. I love this season very much. And riding bike in rain is one of the most cherished adventures of my life. To enjoy this rain a little more, I planned to visit one of the nearby small villages called “Chhati” on my bike with one of my colleague. Since morning, it seems like raining, but didn’t rain. We finished our work there and were coming back to Raipur. The rain was a little levelheaded and didn’t have demented us during doing our work. Perhaps the rain knows very well that enjoyment comes after work. So while coming back, it started raining.

I was in mood of enjoying the rain, but of mizzles only and not of those heavy water fall. So, we decided to take a shelter at any first place we will see on the highway. My colleague stopped the bike at one of the hut of the first village that came on the highway. This village was “Birejher” and that hut like structure was a police chowki. Three – four policemen were sitting outside the hut on a bench in the porch like structure intruded out of the hut. Like any common countryman, my colleague is also having a kind of obvious fear about the policeman. He was a little vexed once he came to know that this shelter was a police chowki. To avoid his nervousness, he started talking to me. Though I was more interested on rain rather than what he was talking. There was lot of greenery spread till the stretch of our visual modality. The color of leaf was looking deeper after being sprinkled by the rain. Some bikers and few four wheelers were still running with hastiness on the road, as if they were in a hurry to reach home before the rains worsen the situation. Some people were passing by on their bicycle, enjoying the rain. Kids of the village came out of their hut and were running behind each other while enjoying the rain. Very mesmerizing scenery. A real enjoyment for me of getting such a beautiful visual treat. My engrossment broke only when two people came into the chowki in a hurry. Perhaps those policemen knew these two guys as they replied to their greetings calling their names. Those two persons get involved in some discussion with the police. I was not having anything to do so unintentionally get involved in their discussion as they were trying to address their talk to everyone present there.

They were father – son duo. They came there to take some follow up about their pending case with these policemen. The case was, they were having some plot of land in the village which is being captured by some other person of the village. These two persons lodged a complaint to the police against this. The case went to court. After a much awaited trails, the honorable court had given their verdict in the favor of the father – son duo and has schooled the local police to help them get their land back from the convict’s possession.

The FIR had been lodged by them about 12 years back, honorable court took 11 year time to give a final verdict in the case and now since 1 year they are coming to the police station almost daily to get back their land. The police are every time giving them some condones and showing their incapability of helping them out as the convict had taken the case to the High Court and had successfully got a stay order from there. Now since the case is in higher court, police is unable to help them out in the case. The issue is, since last 12 year, the convict is using this altercated land and getting crop from it year after year, making money from the land and using some part of that earning in extending the case to every passing year.

Huh…

Strange. What to say? How to react? Enjoying the rain has eloped suddenly after seeing this incident. A lot of thought process started. I think, this is one of the areas where we not only as a human being but as a nation need to look upon. I mean, what to say... Really don't know what I need to think upon this issue or what can I do for them. I am a bit confused. But one thing is for sure that I somewhere is not feeling good to hear this whole story...
Really really very much confused of the situation.

Complicated Anthropology

I really don’t know the exact meaning of Anthropology; neither have I known better what exactly this stream of study is for? But one thing which always attracts me is observing and understanding individuals or groups. While doing so, lot of observations comes out. Though, I feel a little discerning about delineating any ratiocination, as this sometimes hurt my thought.

One such observation I came across last days was people’s behavior towards different groups. We in our lifetime remain part of many groups. For different groups our behavior remains different, even our affiliation to different group remains different. Our comfort level remains different. Like a group of Managers stay connected more with the fellow group of managers rather than a group of his own sub – ordinates irrespective of the fact that a manager is manager because of his sub – ordinates. Similarly, a group of HR fellow feels to be in more comfort zone in the same group rather than the employees of the organization, irrespective of the fact that it is people who make an organization and not just HR fellow. Same is the case with the Finance or Marketing stream guys. While being more associated with one group, we often forgets that the group that we are snubbing or rather less prioritized over the other is also our own group which helps in giving us identity and acknowledging us.

It is really not a wise idea to ignore one group while being more associated with the other. I think, plowing a group and making a balance in that, in such a way that our presence is felt everywhere is rather an art than merely a human behavior. And mastering this art would definitely a learnt behavior and not the innate one.

Relevance

I was reading Gulam Abbas’ story. He may be less known author in India but is one of the cherished authors in Pakistan. The story was “Anandi”. He very beautifully had written the thought of society about something which a society think is not good for society’s cultural health but most often a society itself get structured around it. This was the story of a red light area which was in the middle of a “cultured town”. The municipal corporation of the town had passed a bill to shift those prostitutes to some 15 km away from this cultured town. So the area had been shifted to a very abandoned part of the outskirt where there were bare lands all around with barbed herbs. Though far away from the town, this business still flourished there and people started doing there small business to cater visitors and residents of this new colony. To do the business conveniently here people build their own house. And then over a period of time, a town interposed around the colony of the prostitutes. Then a time came when the respectful people of the municipal corporation of this newly built town had called a meeting to discuss how and why this red light area is situated in the middle of the town which is not good for the cultural health of the town.

Very beautiful story, written in a very interesting way. Hats off to Mr. Gulam Abbas. I wish to read him more.

This is a kind of incidence which generally happens around us. Many a times we do observe it though do not put our brain much over it.

There was a same incident that happened just two months back around me.

I am staying in Raipur at one of the good society of a very low profile area. Actually, while passing through this area you would hardly imagine such a good society in the middle. While passing through this area, I often had to put my feet firm on the break as there was a liquor shop on the way to my society. And the area around the liquor shop always happens to be crowded. This had became my routine to ride dead slow while crossing this liquor shop. There was always a kind of glitter I was finding around this shop. Lots of people standing in queue in front of the liquor shop to wait for their number to get their quota of the night. Lots of temporary shops of snacks were having those kerosene lamps with shivering flames, trying to attract drunkards. A group of police man targeting people to earn some penny as a bribe in the course of maintaining the law and order of the area. Some drunkards were found lying on the road after gulping his dose of the day. Some were wandering on the road very abruptly in the effect of alcohol. Quite a lively atmosphere, creating livelihood of lot of people by using their own hard earned money of the day.

One day while passing through that same shop I find something unusual. The liquor shop was closed and there was a group of people doing some dharna to close this shop as this is creating a kind of cultural contamination to the society. This lasted for 3 days and finally ended when the shop owner had put down the board of the liquor shop from its place. And in this way a lively atmosphere of the surroundings had came to a halt with the closure of the liquor shop, allowing the culture of the society flourish at its extreme. 

Just two days after this incident, while coming back to my home, I took other road which was another way to reach my society; I saw the same kind of glitter there which I was seeing near that liquor shop. I saw a big crowd like that of the crowd around the liquor shop, those temporary stalls of snacks seller with the shivering flames of the kerosene lamps, those wandering drunkards and those fallen drunkards. The same group of police man making money while putting the law and order of the area in place. Oh my god, the sign board of that same liquor shop I found there in one of the newly built under construction single story shop. It was the same liquor shop which was being closed after some dharna by some so called social activists. Every thing was same except the fact that this shop was being opened some 200 meters away from its old place.

And suddenly the story of “Anandi” and the Author Gulam Abbas waved in front of my eyes. I just smiled and put my foot firm over the break.

Flame buoyant Euphoria

It was a kind of euphoria which I was feeling after getting some compliment which is not that much big to feel euphoric. I had to courier some document so I went to a stationary shop to purchase envelop. There a boy in his late teen age was sitting. He seems to be sitting there to help his father as his school was having summer vacation. I asked for envelop. And along with the envelop, he gave me compliment that this is first time he had heard the right pronunciation of envelop. Great but nothing that great. You little kid, any one says an envelop an envelop and even pronounce the same way. Perhaps this is first time when you have noticed it. Whatever, I moved ahead to the courier office with a kind of unnecessary euphoria.

While going back to my home, I had been caught by the traffic police. No, not for the rash driving or dishonoring the traffic signal, but for a routine check. I generally carry all the papers of my bike, so I was not panic of this sudden stoppage by the traffic police. I showed all the papers of my bike to them. But it seems that they didn’t have stopped me or others just for checking papers. After checking all my documents, the policeman finally ended up finding some flaw in that and asked for one of the insignificant paper. While all that drama was going on, I saw a lot of folded palms meeting each others. Folded palms of those halted bikers meeting folded palms of policemen.

Ok, so you are really not interested in checking papers, but to have some money. I generally do not appreciate bribing and even do not take part in any such activity. In fact, I hate this. But this time was exception. The single star bearing policeman checking my paper was repeatedly asking me for the other paper he asked for.

I said, “I don’t have that, now tell me what to do?”

He said to pay fine.

I said, ok, tell me how much fine do I have to pay? For this he was not answering anything and again was giving me all the gyan of carrying all the papers while riding bike.

During all that probing and re probing by that guy, one thing was clear to me that he had stopped me to get some money, without any reason. But I was rigid about paying fine rather than bribing him. It took half an hour, and I was standing there like a fool observing bribing and hearing his gyan.

Finally I gave up, took out 2 notes of hundred out of seer infliction, kept those notes in my folded palm and let my folded palm meet the folded one of that policeman. To this he grin and said, would you have done it before, you would not have wasted your and our half an hour.

I was feeling like I should kill that bastard. To me that policeman was not different than any terrorist or Naxalite or anyone who is hampering the real soul of our motherland with their insane act.

Just an hour before the unnecessary euphoria with which I was passing through turned into the great vexation towards that policeman and even for my own self.

Seven Life To Pay One Debt

In every ones life a time comes when he or she regrets for some of the acts of his / her past. I am finding myself in the same kind of situation. I don’t know I was wrong at that point of time or not but I am feeling that whatever I did then was definitely not an act expected from a human. This is not first time when I am feeling sorry about that moment. Many a times, that incident waves over my eyes and wet them.

I was studying in Std 4th or 5th when my exams were over and was having winter vacation. This was for about a month and was given a lot of homework by my school. Those days, I was having a habit of reading comics. I even was having a collection of comics and books. I always use to read and re read them during my vacations. I remember, Patna was having a huge book fair every year during January or February. I was regular in that book fair and always use to wait for that book fair for the whole year. My father use to give me a Rs. 100 for that book fair every year. He was expecting me to go to the book fair, eat, and enjoy there with my friends. But I was always saving money for the whole year to purchase some books from there. So including the money which I was receiving from my father, I always use to purchase lots of books from there. This was making my father happy as he is having great respect for goddess Saraswati.

But that year I didn’t have received even a single penny from my father for the purpose of purchasing books. Perhaps he was facing a very sever financial crisis. I remember he even was going to his office walking instead of taking some rickshaw or bus to save some coins. And that time when I asked for money for book fair, he said no and said try to manage this time and not purchase any book. But I started shouting that I need money and that’s final, he said, see my boy you already have lot of books in your bookshelf. So this time don’t purchase any book. Next year I will give you double money to purchase books. I know, he was saying this in a great pain but even he was helpless. So I went to my room and stopped talking to him. Two days after this incident, I asked to my Mother that I need Rs 20 for purchasing a pen as I don’t have any pen and will have to finish my homework. My mother said, beta you already have lot of pen so use them only as you father is very much in depression due to the kind of financial crisis he is facing.

But I was firm over my stand that if you didn’t have given money to purchase books then give me money to purchase a Pilot Pen. Otherwise I will not do my homework. With a lot of pain, my dad handed over a 20-rupee note to me and I went to market to purchase a Pilot Pen. I purchased one, which literally was insignificant to me as I was having a lot of collection of pens.

Two days after that I was coming home in the evening from one of my friend’s home whose home was near to my Dad’s office. I was on my bicycle. I saw my dad on the way to home walking. I felt shock to see him walking down to home from his office that was about 6 Km. Just to see me happy, he had given Rs. 20 to me for a pen which surely was not required by me. He was suffering from this financial crisis and never had let us feel the situation. I was shocked. Should I cry or what to do…

I came home and went to my room, locked my room and started crying. I still have that pen with me for which my father has suffered. I don’t know would I be able to return this 20- rupee to my dad or not. Even if I work for my whole life, I wouldn’t be able to save, rather earn that 20-rupee to return my dad…

Coming Back To Roots

This starts where the dominion of advance, progressive and glamorous India ends. It starts where the rosy picture of modern life style comes to a halt. It starts where modern means of transportation ceases and imagery travels through the muddy, dark uneven roads. Yes, this is REAL INDIA. An India, which does not wear expensive, imported cosmetics but still looks as beautiful as heaven. An India, which knows that their body is giving an olfactory sensation to the surrounding but still, enjoys the smell of their elbow grease. A India which don’t know the name of person sitting next to her in a bus or train, but still try to take better care of him or her during the journey irrespective of her own comfort. Yes this is the Real India which is more beautiful than the so called its progressive counterpart. The India which may not be financially as strong as the other, but is more stable than the other part which always keep looking upon the every movement of SENSEX for identifying its own stability status.

Perhaps this is my first introduction to the REAL INDIA or perhaps this is first time when I am closely sussing out this India.

It was a very hard decision for me to shift to a rural part of the country, where wind carries lot of mud and where travel is a nightmare, from the highly developed part of nation where everything, even breeze is blowing with a kind of sophistication. In fact I almost started complaining about the place and even my this decision of moving to this place. Now that work is completely taking me to the ride that I am hardly getting time for myself, this India appeared to me.

The India, which is more innocent than the other India where inconsideration has become habit, rather attitude of people. The Real India where the land is worshiped rather than seen as a means of business. So what that people here are able to take only two crops from their land, they are happy feeding the country while staying empty stomach in between the two crops. So what, that they may not be a prospective customer for multi nationals, they are happy going to their haat and giving tough crusade to the counterpart. Where smile is given not to lurk pain or heinous act but to show real concern. Where wearing cloths is more of need based than to show off the world the dressing sense. Be it the kind of dress this India is wearing or the way they are eating, or the way they are talking to you, you will start loving everything of this India once you start believing this India and these Indians. My job demands a lot of traveling. These days I am traveling to every nook and corners of this rural India. The more I am traveling the more I would like to extend my travel to experience different aspects of these Indians life. Whether I am traveling through a train, a bus or a cab, I always find myself spell bounded with the surroundings. It always gives me a good feeling agaze upon people and observing them so as to understand everything.

Oh this is really beautiful India and Indian. I wish I could live this India forever and ever.

"S" (Success) Comes After "F" (Failure)

It is said that failure is the first step to success. I agree. I agree, because I have seen it time and again in my this much life. Although I can’t say that I didn’t have seen success in my life, but whatever the little success had came in my life, came late and after taking my whole lot of effort.

I remember the day when I didn’t have got selected for NCC Navy Core during my school days and was reluctantly went to join Scout. I remember my difficult survival for Rajya Puraskar in Scouting. I was almost abject of me passing out in this camp, but got cleared. I remember my selection for President Scout in the year 1998 because of my longevity as my contemporary batch mate was out of the school and went to study some good convent school. During this bivouac in Madhupur, a beautiful Railway Learning Center in Southern part of Bihar, I was getting cleared of by just a couple of marks more than the passing marks. My passing of this camp was appearing almost impossible. This really had frustrated me a lot and I worked hard in the final test. Out of a miracle of my really hard work at the eleventh hour, I happened to be the only guy from Bihar who get cleared into this camp and became President Scout. Oh god, how can I forget that moment when the CO of that camp had declared the result of that camp on the last day!

I came home after the camp and had announced my passing into that camp and becoming President Scout, the highest grade of the Scouting, my Dad felt so happy and had went to market to bring some Jalebi, a local Indian Sweet, for the entire family to celebrate my this little success which literally doesn’t have any significance in making career in future. Whatever, a success is a success, be it a small or big. Moreover I know what it took to get this success.

I remember my MBA days, when I was considered to be a mediocre student. It was the first semester of MBA and like most of the other student in that college, I was more into enjoying this time and was not studying much. Than a time came when our exams started hovering over our head and we then have started studying. That time intention was just to score leastways that much marks to keep the terms. During our internal exam, I scored highest in Managerial Economics. I probably had got highest marks because of my good handwriting or probably all had studied equally and I would have got advantage because of my way of writing answer. This actually had given me relief, but pain to one of my classmate. He was so depressed of me getting highest marks in this subject which that guy was having an opinion that he is the best in this subject. So in this state of mind he commented over the internal politics and face value than the intelligence for getting marks in internal exam. Again a failure, if not totally than partially, had motivated me to work hard and harder to get an edge. Goss, I scored a good mark even in the external exam and stood among 5 top students in that semester. This initial success actually had motivated me to work hard. In fact, I had got a taste of success and started studying hard and finally stood Topper in Marketing Stream. Another little success that came after some initial failure. In fact, every time I got success only after some initial failure.

If I recall my past, I could figure out that I had never been taken seriously. People started noticing me only after some successes. I learned that to get noticed you need to perform. This fact had given me strength to work hard and harder to make my good name into the arena of which I am the part of during that point of time.

This was not end of the difficult time in my life. I think the worst had to come yet into my life. And it doesn’t took much time to experience me that worst in my life.

I remember my days during my practically first job in Cadila Healthcare Ltd. I got selected into this esteemed Pharmaceutical Firm and went for about a month long training program in Ahmedabad (Gujrat). There a batch of training had already been started and I joined that batch after about a week of its commencement. There some of the experts were giving us training on subjects related to human systems and application of various chemical molecules over the system. Since I joined this training program after a week of its start, some of the basic course had been covered. It was whole lot of new subject for me to study. So I was finding some difficulty in adjusting with the training program. It wasn’t because I was dumb in that subject, but because I had missed the basics, which were being taught in the very first week. Hence I was not getting all the things that were been taught in that training. At the top of it, they were taking test every evening about what they taught us. In those test, I could not be able to perform. A day came when the training manager Mr. Mahadev Rao had berated me for I am not answering questions he asked in the classroom and am not up to the mark intellectually to join this organization. He told me to keep my luggage packed and go home if I could miss even a single question next day. This had given me a great feeling of failure and I studied for the whole evening and night. When other roommates of my room in the hotel were playing and enjoying their time, I was studying and trying to cover all the subjects, which was being taught. It was not because to save my job, but to show the world what I am. I didn’t have taken sleep that night. My roommates were saying to leave the training program before the class to avoid any embracement in the classroom. Even they were not having faith over me to clear this challenge. After this much vilification, I do wanted to leave this training and job, but not as a failure but as a winner. Next morning, the class started at 8 in the morning. Mahadev Rao came to the classroom and asked me to come to the dice and give presentation. When I asked about the topic that to on which topic should I give presentation, he said, “It doesn’t matter on which topic you want to give presentation today, as this is your last day in the training camp and will have to leave the training and company after your presentation. I suppose, you must have packed your luggage”.

I said, “Yes sir, I have packed my luggage. I would like to start this presentation from the basics and would slowly proceed to whatever had been taught in this training program till the date”.

As I started my presentation, Mahadev Rao was hearing it very casually. With the progress of my presentation, Rao started listening and at the end of my presentation, he commented, “See he write alphabet “S” very differently”. Yes I write “S” very differently and I always write it better than anyone. After joining my territory in Mumbai, I did what was dreamt of doing in that territory. My bosses have noticed me into the company and my good work have been appreciated by all.

Same thing had happened in my next company Nestle India Ltd, where initially I have not been noticed, and then when I started performing, got a good éclat in the company.

I don’t know whether I should have to get motivated of my past failure or not but every time I get failure, I try to sharpen my axe to get an edge over others.

This is just a start of my life; I don’t know what time has stored for me in future.

Those Old Days Emotions

Many a times, you do something or experience something in past and time let you forget that with its every passing bits. And then while traveling through your memories lane, all of a sudden you come across something which in past had amused you, when it was happening somewhere near to you. When this happens, you just export yourself to the past to re-live that moment, to see your expression at that point of time when that special thing had happened to you.

Same kind of feeling I am experiencing today. This was the incident when I was studying management. There was that beautiful and innocent lady in my class, whose presence just revitalizes everyone. When she is near to someone, no one was using his/her brain but just was enjoying her presence. Although she was not fool or dopy. But the way she speaks to people or her logic over anything simply was bringing smile over everyone’s face. Not even a single boy tries philandering her. She was only a soothing presence for everyone, be it a boy or a girl. Everyone was so diligent while talking to her. This obviously had attracted me towards her. It had nothing to take with flirting with her or kind of. But I wanted her presence in every bit of my life. She was so decent that I could not be able to express my feeling to her except to show extra care. I think, even she would have felt the glow in my eyes, which unwittingly bobs up when she would be around. She always was telling me that my eyes are so expressive and could not conceal the emotions coming to my heart. Although I could not be able to read in between the lines what she says. Perhaps because it is not my habit to understand what is not said. I always believe in straight communication rather than something to speak to let people guess what is the meaning of the said idiomatic expression. She always used to ask, why I am caring her so much. But as a habit of mine, I always had been so introvert in expressing my feelings very clearly to her. This was not because of the reason that I fell sort in verbalizing but because I always have feared of loosing her from my life if I express my feelings to her.

So the time passed, and she was still the game for me. Then a day came when we were about to graduate from the college. All the people of college were enjoying to the extreme in last few days of our college. Perhaps college or school days are always some of the precious period of everyone’s life which people always use to keep at the bottom of their heart to avoid any chance of its being stolen by someone. We knew that after this, we would not get any chance to enjoy like a student of University but would have to proceed to the professional life where we even don’t know what our fate has written over the paper of time.

One evening, after some fun in canteen, we were going back to our rooms, that pretty lady came to me and offered to have a cup of coffee with me. I was surprised, in fact surreal. Why she want to have coffee again if we already had one in-group! But without going through a lot of conjectures, I started walking the street with her to the nearby restaurant. There, we had a long hush. This silence was killing me. I became very apprehensive and ultimately tried to break the ice to start the talk. I was very anxious to see the kind of expressions coming over her face. I don’t know, what she wanted me to listen to her silence. Now if I remember that moment, I could understand the meaning of her silence, but wouldn’t be able to understand at that point of time. Ultimately with a very impenetrable voice, she started, “Saheb (This name had given by her to me), I perhaps know your feelings, your emotions towards me. I know, you like me and all my forms. The kind of care and affection you had given me in last two years is very rare. I think, the way you took care of me is something which I didn’t have got even from my family members, my parents. I do have same kind of emotions for you, what you have for me. I do want your presence in every moment of my life. Isn’t it possible that we should live together till eternity?”

I was speechless. I don’t know what to react. I did not know that she is that much sensible. I do have liked her. But was unaware that she could be able to express herself this much strongly and clearly. God, I was not having that much dares to express myself such strongly. And see, what she is saying.

Now it was my turn to express. I said, yes I would like your presence in every thick and thins of my life. But would you be able to walk with me till the end of our life!

Again a big silence. But this time she was really verbalizing with her expressions. I could clearly be able to read her eyes and perhaps her heart.

She said, “I know this is too late to give such commitments to you. But I would like you to be always around me whether I am with you or not”. With this she closed her talk and had given me a notebook with a paper inserted in it. She said, “This notebook is having a lot of thing written over its every page. I have written all my emotions for you on this notebook. If you can read, read it”. I didn’t have opened that book immediately. I don’t know for how long we were sitting there in restaurant. We didn’t have spoke even a single word after that but was listening and understanding each other. We left the place only when the waiter said, its time to close the shop.

I walked with her to her hostel, with a hush. Came back to my room. Opened the notebook. The notebook was completely blank except a page inserted separately into it which was having something written. This was written in English. It was a very crude English. I could not be able to understand what she had written over that piece of paper, but could be able to understand the circumstances when she would have written this. Probably she was trying to write a lot of thing and in this course of hurry, she wrote something understanding which is very difficult. The notebook was complete blank. This blank notebook was something where she really would have written her feelings but I was unable to read that time.

Now that suddenly this notebook came to my hand while arranging my stuff, I could be able to read all her emotions, and have read each and every page of that blank notebook. Yes I know it is still a blank notebook, but the time have overwritten a lot of things over every page of this notebook. Yes I can read what is written and overwritten over its every page, but it is too late now…