It’s been years working for MNC and had seen many thick and thins during these years. Some had helped me develop some philosophy during my maturity years while some had taught me what I don't want in my life. In totality, every incidence had given me some learning and in turn had helped me gaining experiences of life. But there are incidences which happened in life, remained deeply noticed, made mark in my memories but I cannot say that it was having any learning incorporated.
I was first member of my all family who had taken rebellious step of going for professional course unlike everyone adopting government job. I was lucky enough in a way that every good thing had come to me easily. Yes, even I had tried hard and always had tried justifying what had I got from life. When I joined my first job in an MNC, I came across a different kind of culture which totally and completely was different from my past 25 years life. Where there nothing was good or bad, but a means of achieving what was required to fulfill the given task. What had been taught to us during my school days was of not much significance as far as morality was concern, but here had learned different lessons that were talking more about situational decision making and situational morality without hampering the interest of people concerned. Was more like creating a situation where everyone wins, or at least think or feel that they won. A very different world altogether. And if the world is different, people associated here were also of different nature, ability and ethnicity.
He was one such different person whom I meet in this world and had long association. He was Sukant Saxena. I meet him in one meeting when it had been told to me that he would be joining us as an employee and would be part of my team. He was just a normal person with good sense of humor. Very spontaneous in reaction and a very normal employee with no any complication. When he joined us in my team, I was absolutely ok with his way of working and situation handling. He had never been a great performer but was never an underdog as well. He was justifying his job by doing what had been expected from him. If I was not delighted getting him in my team, I would say I was not feeling unhappy having him in my team. Then why I am remembering him today and how relevant his life is to make a mark over my memories!
Sukant was not so extrovert person and always had tried being in shell. No, it was not his confidence that was letting him be an introvert but he generally was an introvert by nature. He was speaking only that much that is required at that point of time. He even happen to be very clear in his communication and was able to bargain what was required from the other end of the communication.
There is very unique culture in private firms, especially in a sales based department or organization, that every celebration ends up on the bar table and drinking till drop. Sukant was real fun on table. He for the first time had surprised me on table when I thought him to be a little serious human by nature who shows his sense of humor only when it is required. After a round of drinks, we met a totally new Sukant. A Sukant who was not showing any resemblance with the Sukant we knew. An awesomely extrovert who had took over the bar table from everyone else with his superb sense of humor. He generally was giving opinion on various work related matters that I was missing on other days. Wow, what a man. But where this man is when he is normal, with no any presence of alcohol in his blood. Was not sure if the alcohol was giving him confidence of being extrovert and outspoken or it was the start of showing his real skin. Whatever, he though had made our evening an awesome one. I was particularly very happy to see this new avatar of Sukant. I am a kind of person who feels more happy working towards people development rather than just utilizing people's potential for the short term gains of organization. In case of Sukant, I was not sure if it is the environment given by me had helped him be in his real him or it is just he had decided to be like this. But this incident had created a kind of greed in me to see him like that or even better always.
This was a fresh new days with all the new possibility and new challenges. A new day where nobody remembers what great had you done last day. What is more prevalent is what is now being expected from you in this new fresh day and how you reciprocate. This again is one very strange culture of the corporate world where your current action decides your fate rather than the past laurels. It was a day when I had to work with Sukant in his territory. We had to meet some of our key customers to close certain plans. Sukant as usual was on time and waiting for me at the lounge of the hotel where I was boarding. I am generally a punctual person and anyone can easily move me just by showing the punctuality. This way I was respecting Sukant very much. We went to meet everyone planned and Sukant very well had negotiated with each one and managed to create a win - win situation for all. But again to my surprise, he went into his cocoon immediately. For the whole day I was trying to find yester night Sukant but all my effort went in vein. Sukant again was same reserve person who was just ok with his job assigned. He did what exactly had been told to him, without adding any significant value other than the planned or predicted one. So there was no much need of worry as far as getting task done front was concern. But this I believed was not the actual potential of Sukant. He had the skill of moving the mountain even. But he was not much into showing his skill or flaunting his knowledge.
I was trying to understand his personality but he had always been into his shell. I don't know what was making him to be what he is. Though anyone's personality is very much of his private thing and no one have any right to question it. But in case of Sukant, I was feeling as if his trait is every time challenging me and my ability of taking best out of any one. A kind of itching in soul.
Yes that is true that every individual is unique in this world and no two person can be compared or identical. In that way being judgemental would always creates trouble in the relations, be it personal or professional. Every type of individual is right in his own way, with their own methodology of handling world. And Sukant had always done good thing, but just exactly that much good that had been communicated to him. It was like he was just justifying his job.
If that every individual is different, than what was that on the bar table? Is it that Sukant is a real actor who actually is not living his life but acting his life. Actor Sukant.
After that incident of bar table, I many time have observed him acting in different forum. The acting as per the occassion. In every occassion, he was becoming popular among group. But as far as work was concern, he was again just good. Sometimes I was thinking him to be of just good caliber. How can he do great if he just have a caliber of being good. Perhaps I was right but every time he was proving me wrong when he was acting. One very unusual thing I had noticed in him that he was great when he happen to be a couple of peg down. So basically his subconscious brain was stronger than his conscious one. While being conscious he just was feeding his sub conscious brain with different cases of life. His sub conscious brain was always calculating cases and giving solutions which Sukant could not be able to read or get signal. That is why he happens to just good with his conscious part and extremely great with the sub conscious part. Strange individual. Unique in true sense.
At times I had stopped taking effort to develop him. Just be what you are. An Actor by personality.
I think even he was aware of his this personality trait. This, I think was the reason that he always finds time to drink to show his metal, whenever in group. I think this was one way of hiding his inferiority complex that even he might be feeling whenever he was doing just good and his contemprory were doing good to great job.
Even I started accepting this way only. Though few times had tried telling him of not drinking much.
Time was flying and so was the career of my team and me. I had been promotrd and transferred to out HO in Mumbai. The increasing job responsibility had occupied me so much that at times was feeling as if I had lost the contact with my old peer groups. This sudden feeling was always inducing me to go for a vacation and make call to everyone, almost everyone I know. In one such day I was browsing my digital diary to know if the mail ID and contact numbers of people I know are in place or not. I made call to few and had mailed few to know if I am well connected with everyone. Suddenly I got a name appearing in my digital diary, Sukant Saxena - sukantforyou@gmail.com followed by his number. Hey where is this actor? Its been almost 3 years when I even have heard about him. I imediately called his number which had been picked by some unknown person. I think Sukant had changed his number and his old number had been alloted to some one else. But his name appearing on my diary had created uneasyness in me to know about him. I started scrowling all names of the diary and trying to identify if anyone among them would know about him. Here it is, it was Abir Khan who would know about him. They happened to be good friend those days. I called Abir. Fortunitely Abir did not had changed his number.
"Hey Abir, how are you? I am Amitesh this side. Hope you must be remembering me"
"Boss how I could forget you! How are you boss?
"I am good yaar. Tell me how is life and job? I have heard you had got promoted and doing good in life and job" Though I was asking this but wanted to finish these disciplinary talk very soon and wanted to jump into the real reason of making call to him.
Abir was replying but I was not much interested in his life and job. I virtually had closed my ear and brain towards his reply.
Thankfully while speaking he himself had came to the topic, "Boss, did you have heard about Sukant?"
That's what I wanted to know bugger. I composed myself and asked very warmly, "yes yes, how is my actor? He must now have been stopped acting after his couple of drinks!"
"No boss, I think it’s enough of his acting.Its time to put the curtain down of his acting and drama"
"No, I did not understand. Can you please speak a simple language and let me know what he is doing in his life" I almost got irritated of his designer communication.
"Boss, these days he is in rehab center here in Kolkata. I think these are the last days of his life. He wont survives any more" while saying this, I could feel from Abir's voice that he would be feeling terrable.
"What are you saying! What happened with him? Why is he in rehab center, I mean in which rehab center? Is he alright!"
"No boss, he is not alright. He had started drinking very much. We forced him to join rehab center to quit his habit. Though he joined there but was always managing to get liquor and continued drinking. He really has become so weak to even walk. Now doctors are saying that they had done enough for him and just are waiting for him to die"
Abir said this in one go as if even he would not be feeling good to elongate the talk and be in that mental unstability.
I just took the address of the rehab center from him and disconnected.
I don't know why I immediately booked ticket for Kolkata to meet him. The flight was of next day morning. I packed minimum clothes in a sling bag, dropped massage to my secretary to raise a leave request for 3-4 days. Though she replied if something is very serious or wrong going on, I ignored her message. I think I could not be able to explain what wrong or serious had leaded me to go on this sudden leave neither do I wanted to explain.
I was again after a long time was in the City of Joy. But this time this City of Joy was no anymore joyous today. I put up myself in hotel and waiting impatiently and continuously looking at my watch to show 11 so that I could run to the rehab center.
I got a call from Abir. He said that my secretary had called him and had told him to take care of me. I don't know how my secretary knows every thing about me and even could be able to track my movements. This is one biggest reason why I respect my secretary very much.
I called Abir to my hotel. He was well on time to my hotel. We without talking or wasting time moved to the rehab center. Abir was driving really good that he almost was surfing road. Mad traffic of Kolkata was just staying aside to give way to his car.
“What went wrong Abir? Why he started drinking more? Was there anything wrong in his personal life?”
“Don’t know boss. I am his good friend but only till professional life. He never has allowed anyone entering his personal life. Not even me. You correctly have said that he is a very good actor.”
“I know his personal life was quite a blindfold for us. But was everything correct with his professional life? I hope he was doing quite well.”
“Yes by and large professional life was good. But he was always missing your style of handling people that he often was saying. Though he never had complained about his new bosses. But there was something serious going on in his life which was making him weak from within. And you know, drinking was always giving him strength… atleast he was thinking so.”
“Humm.” Though I was talking to him but was more with Sukant and my time spent with him in past.
We reached the Rehab Center in some time. We directly headed towards the bed of Sukant. Now it was the time to actually get a shock. Sukant was lying on the bed. He was looking very lean. Just a glimpse of Sukant had bought tears in my eye. Oh how can Sukant be so weak? He was one very strong guy of my team. Though he was just good but was great as had made a very strong place in my memory and heart.
The in-house doctors were there near to his bed. There was a web of cables and tubes surrounding Sukant that was leading to lot of sophisticated machines. Once had an eye contact with the Doctors near to him, there body language was like its too late now. This one body language had built a kind of fear in me. I was feeling too weak on my knees. I was feeling as if my legs were too heavy to walk. Suddenly my eyes meet Sukant’s eye. It was saying as if I know one day you will sure come to see me. I almost ran towards him. Hold his hand. It was too cold. Sukant smiled. Again the smile was just to hide his own pain. He really was a born actor. Even in pain and grief, he was acting. I got irritated with his smile. This smile was actually making me weaker. I tried saying something but my vocal chords were not helping me. I had never been speechless the way I was feeling today. I was feeling more and more weaker on my legs and tried sitting on his bed but was not even able to sit. I don’t know what was happening to me. And finally the moment came which even I was having premonition of. Sukant actually was no more. His hand was still in my hand. I don’t know suddenly what happened in me. I started crying like kid holding his hand and standing on my knees. Abir’s was standing near me keeping his hand on my shoulder. I kept crying. I don’t know for how long I was sitting like that, crying. Perhaps even Sukant was waiting for me and was holding his breath. This time again he acted. A real acting of death. Sukant you are really a great actor. Yes you are great. Not because you died and I can’t speak bad about you but because throughout your life you acted, hiding all your pain. You never had allowed anyone enter your life but you always had entered into the life of people around you. Your this last performance had actually bought tears in my eyes.
It’s been years of this incidence. Sukant is only into memories now, I don’t know of how many people. But he had really made a big mark into my memory. He actually had confused me with his personality traits and will always be. I am not much judgmental about people as I always tend to respect the individuality of everyone. But Sukant had always forced me to be judgmental about him. And I judged him as a perfect actor. I don’t want to even relook my judgment towards Sukant. I know wherever Sukant would be he would be acting there as well, hiding all his personal life from God.
